A Midlife Woman's Journey from Couch to CrossFit

Hubris and other cautionary tales

2010-09-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

Merriam-Webster defines hubris as: "exaggerated pride or self-confidence." I define it as not listening to those who have my best interests at heart because I "know" better. I've never been a very patient person, and as I've said in previous posts, I've never been much inclined to believe someone who tells me I can't do something, all of which leads to "exaggerated pride or self-confidence." Add hubris to CrossFit and you get a combination which, for me, leads to a big dose of humble pie.

My last post detailed how well my recovery was going and as I re-read it I see a great deal of self-pride (a not very flattering kind either) exhibited. My grandmother would say that I was getting too big for my britches. As it turns out, she would be right. You know the old saying "pride goeth before a fall?" Well, that was me on this past Tuesday. Tuesday's WOD was 5x5 deadlifts. I went to the box to work on form, NOT to lift heavy. In fact, I swore to Jeff that I would be super cautious about form and weight, and, for the first couple of rounds I was. I started with 55 pounds, had someone watch my form and even rolled my back after the round. I felt good so I went to 85 pounds, then 105 pounds. I felt great. The tightness in my back had gone, my form was near perfect and I was on my way back to being a deadlifting queen. So for the fourth round, I put 135 pounds on the bar, knocked out five reps and really started to celebrate. Doctors and husbands be damned! I was feeling so prideful that I asked Jeff to grab a camera to take a picture of the next round because I wanted to send it to my doctor with a note bragging about my recovery.

I'm guessing that you all know what's coming next. I added 20 pounds to the bar, got through the first lift and then felt a painful pop on the second. Yup, I screwed up my back AGAIN. The weeks of rehab and slowly adding WODs all went out the window because I couldn't resist the lure of adding 20 pounds to what was already a very successful exercise. In my rush to prove that I was right and everyone else was wrong I did, what could potentially be, some serious damage to my recovery. I am once again in pain, and what makes it worse, is that I could have prevented it by simply keeping my ego in check. I forgot a major tenet of CrossFit. We are a sport devoted to functional fitness, and as my friend Ray put it so well, "A reassessment of goals may be in order. Functional fitness is the objective. If you do not adapt to your situation, then you are likely to cause disability, which is in conflict with that objective. You do not have to climb or blast through a barrier to be successful. Sometimes the best move is to go around it. Reassess and adapt. Darwin 101."

So, I sit here appropriately humbled but hopeful. I definitely failed the lesson but I got the learning. I may be back at square one but I'll be smarter this time. I'll listen to my coaches and my body. I'll take things slowly and carefully. I'll remember my friend Ray and forget about time. I'll approach this phase of rehab with humility and respect. It doesn't matter if it takes six weeks, six months or six years (well, OK maybe six years might matter!). At the end of the day, it's about being a CrossFitter for a lifetime so I guess I better rest so I can come back to fight another day.

Deadlifts are back on the menu!

2010-09-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to visit with my family this past weekend and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the surprise on their faces when they saw I was moving around easily and comfortably, in fact, most people who know about the ruptured disc are surprised at how quickly my recovery is going. Of course, to me it's still too slow, but to the rest of the world three weeks out of the hospital is pretty darn quick for recuperation. Now, I'm not 100% yet, probably closer to 50%, but I am almost pain free with a very small limp (which when I run makes for an interesting gait that I imagine gives observers a good giggle) but I feel like I'm a lot further along than my doctors expected.

So, what am I doing? CrossFit, baby!! I have rehab sessions with Aimee a couple times a week and I am back to class doing modified WODs. I made it through a regular WOD last week and this week I'll do two with three planned for next week. I'm not lifting heavy shit yet but I did manage to deadlift 35 pounds for 20 reps with good form today. I'll go back later this afternoon for the WOD then I'll take a couple of rest days. My focus during this recovery period is on executing each exercise with good form and slowly increasing the weight over the next few weeks with the goal of being close to my old numbers by Halloween. The key is patience, focusing on form and not succumbing to frustration.

When I was at the chiropractor's office earlier this week he said he was "amazed" at my range of motion and his thinking was that I was in such good condition when I was injured that I started my recovery much further along than most patients. He said that it normally takes months for people with an L5/S1 rupture to be pain-free and some never get to a point where they have no pain.

I consider myself lucky -- very lucky. I found CrossFit at a time of life where many folks, especially women, have stopped challenging themselves physically and are "slowing down." This injury has shown me how very important it is to never slow down, and especially to never stop. Our bodies were never intended for sitting, they were made to move. Activity is the best medicine in the world. Active bodies make for active minds and quick healing. I'm living proof.

Doctors and their opinions

2010-09-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

As you might surmise, I'm not a big fan of doctors, the medical community and how we handle health care in this country. While the individual medical professionals I know are wonderful people, many of them seem to be pretty well entrenched in conventional wisdom and lack an open mind when it comes to alternative ways of healing the body.

I went to see my doctor to follow up on my ruptured disc and his opinion was that it would take three to six months for my back to fully heal, if it healed at all. His recommendations included Motrin and rest, and if that didn't work, surgery to remove the fragment. Now he knows me pretty well so his other piece of advice was "don't go trying to bench press 200 pounds or anything like that!" I can't help thinking that inactivity and drugs are not going to help me heal, in fact I need the opposite. I need to keep moving, lifting weight (appropriately) and looking to my diet for help around mitigating inflammation so that the fragment is released and re-absorbed. Sounds like CrossFit is the right prescription! So I've started some rehab work with Aimee and plan on getting back to the box for modified WODs as soon as I can.

In many ways my doctor's visit was the equivalent of waving a red flag in front of a bull. Tell me I can't do something and I'm gonna work really hard to prove you wrong. Tell me to rest and I'll get moving. Tell me it will take 3 to 6 months to get better and I'll set a goal of 3 to 6 weeks. Tell me I might need surgery and I'll change my diet so my body can heal itself without being cut open. Is that being stubborn? Is that being bull-headed? Is that being stiff-necked (pun intended!)? You betcha!

So for those of you who work out at CrossFit KoP, look for me to be back in class soon. I'll be there for all the usual reasons and for one important new reason: so I can tell my doctor "I told you so!" I can't wait!!!!

Healing

2010-09-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the word "healing" a lot lately. I've been struggling with a back issue over the past six weeks or so that has severely limited my CrossFit workouts and my life in general. In fact, it landed me in the hospital for a couple of days with a ruptured disc and the potential for surgery to remove a disc fragment that is pressing on a nerve. While the pain meds were awesome the rest of my hospital experience is something I really don't care to repeat!

So, how best to heal and what does "healed" look like for me? I think it's about accepting my body where it is right now and letting go of what it was and what I want it to be. I think it's about using this experience to become a better coach, counselor, wife and mother. I think it's about facing fear ... fear of age, fear of pain, fear of being "not quite enough."

I've been blogging about my journey for almost a year now and in looking back at past posts I can see how much of my current identity has become wrapped up in being an athlete, a coach and "an inspiration." This injury has shown me that, while that identity is important, it can't be the only way to define myself. I am walking with a distinct limp right now and have quickly gained weight without my intense workouts. How can I coach and counsel others toward finding health and wellness when I don't currently have those things myself?

The answer is to understand that no journey is a straight line, it's a series of switchback trails. Right now I happen to be on a trail full of weeds, overgrowth and crookedness. It's not an easy path but I only have one other option right now and that is to step off the trail, pitch a tent and hang out until the universe suddenly shifts and smoothes things out. But you know what? That's not the way I'm going to grow and learn from this. Since sitting this one out is not an option, I'll keep whacking away at the overgrowth and trying to find my way.

I hope you all will stay with me through this next part of my journey. I suspect it's not always going to be pretty and that the high-fives may be few and far between but I think we will learn a lot about healing, peace and blessings along the way. Sounds pretty worthwhile to me ...

Judging the 2010 CrossFit Games

2010-08-12T14:16:00.000-07:00

While this picture is from the 2009 Games and features Chuck Carswell (an amazing person, trainer and coach) rather than Jeff & I, I though it gives a really good flavor of what the judging experience is like ... intense! It was a real honor to serve alongside Chuck and the other Level II trainers and HQ staff for the weekend. They were an incredible inspiration because of their willingness to do everything that was needed to prepare and breakdown events, support the athletes and other judges, and to judge every event for which they were asked. While we only judged three events, these elite judges participated in every event and worked just as hard as the athletes without the glory. They were truly the unsung heroes of the Games!

Jeff and I spent a lot of time speculating what we would be asked to do as judges but the actual experience was nothing like what we anticipated. We were only asked to judge the affiliate team events, no individual events. The only people judging individuals and the final affiliate event were Level II trainers or individuals well known and respected within the Crossfit community. I was a bit torn about this circumstance. On the one hand I really wanted the experience of getting in there with the truly elite athletes and being in the middle of the action. On the other hand, it made me feel good knowing that only the best, most experienced CrossFitters were judging the elites. Isn't that how it should be?

So what did we do to fill our time over the three days? We reported for duty at 6:30 AM each day and left by 10 or 10:30 PM on Friday and Saturday nights. We hauled equipment, set up events, broke down events, ran errands, swept floors, fetched water and generally tried to make ourselves useful. It was one of the most physically strenuous weekends I've ever experienced. I loaded bars, carried kettlebells, helped break down pull up bars, threw medicine balls and picked up more pounds of sandbags than I can imagine. All of this took place on one of the hottest weekends in Los Angeles this summer. Temps were in the upper 90's and low 100's under a cloudless sky. If any of you are considering volunteering for the 2011 Games make sure you are prepared for long days, hot temperatures, and hard, physical work. Bring your sense of humor, lose your ego and be ready to do things to support the athletes you'd never anticipate!

Given all that, would I do it again? Yup! Are there things I would change? Yup! I wish that someone would have reached out to us ahead of time and told us what to expect and how to prepare. Little things like sunscreen and snacks and knowing that we'd be there for 16 hour days would have helped ease things a bit. I wish that food choices would have been a bit more varied and regular. I wish that I had known how little I'd be judging and how much I'd be schlepping. But, I'm glad that Adrian Bozman was the head judge because he kept us all headed in the same direction with spirits high and I would be a part of any crew he managed in a flat second.

Overall, I'd rank our time in California in the top ten of life experiences thus far. If you want to catch a glimpse of Jeff & I doing the judge thing click on 2010 CrossFit Games Live Webcast and find the footage from July 17 from 12:00 to 3:00 and you'll see Jeff judging double-unders while I'm in the same lane judging push-ups. 3-2-1 Go!

The "Itis," Judging the 2010 CrossFit Games and Playing Catch-up

2010-08-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

My but it's been a while! I can hardly believe that my last post was three weeks ago but between Jeff's health, our trip out west and general daily living, time has flown by. So, let me sum up:

Jeff's hyperthyroidism was diagnosed as hyperthyroiditis (now fondly known as "The Itis" in our house), a mystery illness for which the doctors had no explanation of how or why it occurs or why it goes away. Basically, Jeff had an inflammation of his thyroid, a condition that causes all the symptoms of Graves disease but without the antibodies. The disease arrives and departs with no known cause or treatment. The good news is that Jeff is gaining some weight and looking much healthier than he has in a while. The bad news is that we have no idea if it will ever occur again or if, in healing itself, the thyroid might throw itself to the other side of the spectrum and go into hypothyroidism. We just have to wait and see.

Immediately after our first meeting with the docs we flew out to Carson, CA (basically in Los Angeles) to judge the 2010 CrossFit Games. Wow, what an experience! I knew we would work hard but the three days we spent as judges included much more than judging. We hauled equipment, set up and broke down events, ran errands and generally helped (as best we could) to create a seamless experience for the athletes. We'd arrive at the venue at 6:30 AM and didn't leave until after 10 PM. It was exhausting! I need a separate post to detail the weekend and provide a really good "behind the scenes" view. I'll get working on it because I haven't read anything from a judge's viewpoint and I found it a very interesting place to be. Suffice it to say I loved being able to participate in the event in a way that brought me up close to the athletes and helped me improve my judging skills exponentially.

Right after the Games we hopped in our rental car and hightailed it to Las Vegas for 3 days of well deserved R&R. After a weekend spent in the sun and heat performing physical feats like an 80 pound sandbag squat clean (and I wasn't even competing!) my body was tired, sunburned and ready to hit the pool. So we did. Highlights included a Kardashian sighting (the sister that's married to an LA Laker and boy is he tall!), renting a pool cabana for two days(gotta love a place where white sangria appears like magic!) and coming home with the money we left with.

We got home on a Friday and on the following Monday we were back at the hospital for two days of scan preparation and the actual scan for Jeff's thyroid. While I'm grateful we live in a country where a place like Jefferson Hospital can exist (although I fail to understand why we don't have universal health care) it amazed me how three different doctors could each have a different description of the scanning procedure, the time it would take, what radioactivity Jeff had to ingest and what results we would have and when. Fortunately Jeff's background as a scientist and toxicologist made the translations a bit easier but I found the whole thing confusing.

Now we are settling back into "normal." I've been back to the box (after two weeks off it was a painful reunion) and am finishing up my schoolwork. It's hard to believe that I'll graduate from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition next month and that this blog is coming up on it's first anniversary. Ah, memories!!! At any rate, we're glad to be home with both of us in good health. We are blessed indeed!!!

Speed Bumps

2010-07-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

Given how long Jeff and I have been married you would think we would have bumped up against health issues before. Granted, both sets of our parents (and we're blessed to have all four of them around!) have had their fair share of brushes with heart attacks, cancer and assorted injuries and illnesses. Even our sisters and their families have had some stuff to deal with, but Jeff & I ... not so much. Frankly I was beginning to get a little cocky about our stellar health. With both of us approaching 50 you'd think that we'd have had something go wrong by now and nothing really has ... until recently.

We returned from the Masters in May and Jeff started to lose weight. It was gradual at first and then got really noticeable in mid-June when he began losing muscle as well. He began struggling at the box and complained of a racing heart and difficulty breathing when working out hard. I think we were both in a bit of denial about things but Jeff finally got to the doctor right before his 50th birthday (July 1st!). Turns out to be hyperthyroidism; highly unusual in men, especially in a man who just turned 50. He's got an appointment with an endocrinologist at the end of the week and hopefully we'll know more about the cause and treatment options.

Naturally, I had a couple of reactions. Of course I was relieved and happy that it wasn't anything worse . I was really scared that it could be cancer or something like lupus or MS. So, a big WHEW there. My second reaction was a mild irritation that he got a disease that caused him to lose weight without effort. How unfair is that!! After all my struggles with weight over the years it seemed the height of irony to me that someone who loses weight easily on his own got hyperthyroidism ... grrrrrrrrrrrr!

My last immediate reaction though was fear: fear of decay. One of the reasons we both CrossFit and eat the way we do is so we don't go through what our parents have. I don't want to have our daughter calling and the conversation to be about what specialists Jeff & I have been seeing lately. I don't want to have those pill sorters labelled for days of the week on the bathroom counter and I don't want to look at houses for retirement and be worried about stairs. I'm OK with aging, I just don't want to fall apart.

Despite all our efforts, are disease and illness inevitable????

The Trapeze

2010-06-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Today's post is simply a copy of a poem I received as a part of my studies at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I thought it captured a bit of what CrossFit is like for me along with lessons from other parts of my life. The author is unknown. Enjoy!!!

The Flying Trapeze

Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either

hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments,

I'm hurdling across space between the trapeze bars.

Mostly, I spend my time hanging on for dear life to the trapeze bar

of the moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing

and I have the feeling that I'm in control. I know most of the right

questions, and even some of the right answers. But once in a

while, as I'm merrily, or not so merrily, swinging along, I look

ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see?

I see another trapeze bar looking at me. It's empty. And I know,

in that place in me that knows, that this new bar has my name on it.

It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my

heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on

the present well-known bar, to move to the new one.

Each time it happens, I hope—no, I pray—that I won't have to grab

the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release

my grasp on my old bar, and for some moments in time I must hurtle

across space before I can grab the new bar. Each time I do this I am

filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurdles I have

always made it.

Each time, I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks

in the bottomless basin between the bars. But I do it anyway. I must.

Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call faith. No guarantees,

no net, no insurance, but we do it anyway because hanging on to that old

bar is no longer an option. And so, for what seems to be an eternity, but

actually lasts a microsecond.

I soar across the dark void called "the past is over, the future is not yet

here." It's called a transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place

that real change occurs.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as

a "no-thing," a no-place between places. Sure, the old trapeze bar was real,

and as for the new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. But the

void in between? That's just a scary, confusing, disorienting nowhere that

must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible. What a

shame!

I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing,

and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with

all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant,

growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives.

And so, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go

away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang out" in the transition

zone between the trapeze bars.

Allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens.

It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening.

Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly.

Challenges at the Box

2010-06-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Turning 50 was nothing compared to some of the WODs offered at the box this week! The week started with a 5K row (26:25) and quickly went down hill to stuff that scared the crap out of me when I read about them on the blog. Aimee is kind enough to post the next day's WOD on her blog by 10 PM the night before, thereby allowing those of enough brave or stupid enough to check, a chance to preview what we'll be doing the next day. After the 5K row I figured that Monday's WOD would be a chance to lift heavy and I was right.

Hang power cleans and weighted push-ups (90# and 60# for me). The 90# was an ugly PR and my form was terrible but the weighted push-ups were on my toes which made me happy. I also hate hang power cleans. I never feel like I get enough momentum to get my elbows up fast enough. More work to do there! Wednesday was a complicated WOD involving double-unders on the minute and front squats. I elected single-unders and 50 pounds on the bar. The goal was to get to a total of 50 front squats but you had to complete 30 single-unders on the minute BEFORE you could start lifting. My time, 10:40. Why single-unders? Frankly, I haven't done double-unders since the Masters in May ... not good, I know [visualize shamed face here]. Did I also mention that front squats are my least favorite squats? Again, it's all about the elbows, and in my case, staying back on my heels AND getting enough depth. Lots and lots of work to do on that one, since I definitely don't look like the woman in the picture to the right!!!

That brings us to today. Aimee programmed the dreaded Hopper Deck. Jeff & I saw it last night and I about fell off the couch laughing. For those of you who don't CrossFit, the Hopper Deck is a deck of cards with a variety of CrossFit WODs written on them. Whatever you pull is what you do that day. The reason we were laughing is that both of us were convinced that we'd each pull the most challenging WODs possible ... and that's exactly how it turned out. Jeff pulled the Badger (3 rounds: 30 squat cleans, 30 pull-ups, 800 meter run) and I pulled a 5K run. Now I haven't run more than 800 meters at a time in YEARS. Most CrossFit WODs require 800 meter or 400 meter runs and usually no more than three or four in a WOD interspersed with other exercises. This was a continuous 3.1 mile run.

Oddly enough, I didn't put the card back even though we had the option to do so. Like the front squats, hang power cleans and jump roping, it was suddenly just one more thing to do. While I wasn't thrilled about all that running I also didn't fear it. I knew I would finish and I knew I would do the best I could. In other words, it was an "I can" moment. So I did it, no fuss, no muss, in 41:29. Not exactly a time that will set the world on fire but I can put in my log book as something to beat next time.

So the week so far has been full of challenges but satisfactions as well. Although, with my luck, tomorrow's WOD will be a doozy and I'll have to pull this post!

50 has arrived!

2010-06-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yup, it's here. My 50th birthday. I am tremendously excited about entering my 6th decade and really looking forward to seeing what the universe has planned for me. When I look back over the past year I am, frankly, astonished at everything that has come to pass. My life has completely changed, all because I set an intention to live life as fully and as purposefully as possible. That intention has led me to a new career, a new mindset and a journey that I hope never ends.

The universe has also blessed me with loving support from my family and friends. The changes I've made and the life I lead could not be possible without all that support. Frankly, today I feel a bit like an Oscar winner giving an acceptance speech because I know that my accomplishments would be nothing but dust if I didn't have all those people propping me up.

Jeff, you know how much I love you. I never expected that I would be so deeply, passionately and completely in love after this many years of marriage. You are my breath, my heart, my everything.

Rachel, you are the best of both of us. I marvel whenever I see you because you bring so much light into the world with your loveliness, your compassion, your smarts and your keen fashion sense! I am so proud of you!!

Mom and Dad, thank you for being my foundation. People have said some very kind things to me today and if they knew how much I owe you both, they would be saying those kind words about you instead! You have given me so much over the years that I can't possibly articulate all your gifts. I hope you know how much I love you and how deeply grateful I am that you are my parents.

My CrossFit KoP family, my friends in the "real" world and everyone else who reads this blog. you all are my inspiration, my sanity and the reason I do some pretty crazy things for a woman of my "advanced years!" Keep on rocking!!

OK, enough mushy stuff. Next post, it's back to CrossFit!!!

Endings and Beginnings

2010-06-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today, June 3rd, represents one week until the big 5-0. Yup, I'm about to hit one of those milestone birthdays, you know, birthdays where people throw parties for you using black balloons and you get canes and other "funny" gifts. Hopefully I'll be spared the indignity!

I've been thinking about this birthday for a while (like this whole year) and waiting for the angst to begin. Shockingly it really hasn't. Maybe it's because I'm not wrestling the demons that most people seem to attach to the big 5-0, especially women. I simply don't view turning fifty as a loss or something to regret. I don't expect decrepitude and I'm not anticipating retirement, despite the urging of AARP! I welcome my upcoming menopause and am firmly convinced that good nutrition, hard exercise (yay CrossFit) and a positive, forward-looking mentality will mitigate any physical symptoms I might have.

I think at least part of the reason I'm pretty sanguine about this whole experience is the fact that I stopped dying my hair last August and totally LOVE my natural gray hair. Not only is the color beautiful but now that it's longer it's gotten really curly with wonderful texture. I wonder if women would be better off not dying their hair? Hair color is a fairly recent invention and not really widely adopted until the 1960's. Before that, turning gray was an accepted part of the aging process ... maybe grudging acceptance, but acceptance nonetheless. Now women are expected to "fight aging." Hair color, cosmetic surgery, make-up, Jenny Craig and multivitamins all promise to deliver youth. Ya know what, I don't want my youth. I want to be the age I am.

I titled this post "Endings and Beginnings" because in order to begin the next phase of my life I have to end another. So what am I ending? Frankly, I'm not quite sure. Maybe I'm ending the drive for perfection. Maybe I'm ending the need to live up to everyone else's expectations. Maybe I'm ending the need to please. All I really know is that I am finally beginning to live fully; satisfied with what I have and contented to be who I am.

I can think of no better beginning than that.

The Dreaded N-word (no not THAT one)!

2010-05-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

The N-word to which I am referring is Nutrition. Why dreaded? Because as a health coach/counselor (I can't decide which I like better, coach or counselor) I work with clients and groups to educate and facilitate healthier eating, more home cooking and the consumption of lots of local, organic whole foods. I'm a big fan of Michael Pollan, "Food, Inc"., farmers markets, food shares and Whole Foods. It seems I live, breathe, talk and read about nutrition all day long. I read articles on saturated fat for fun for heaven's sake!

So why dreaded? Because I sit here writing this while drinking a Starbucks quad, venti, non-fat latte, that's why. Since I've been back from the Masters my business has kept me a lot busier, my visits to the box have been sporadic and bad eating habits have crept back into my day. It's amazing how easily we slip back into ways of doing things we thought were long gone from our lives. That Starbucks went down awfully quickly!

But you know what? It's a great lesson for me on how, without the slightest thought, old tapes start to play and I'm back in the middle of a discussion between the angel on my left shoulder and the devil on my right. No one is perfect and that's a lesson I just keep on learning. The good news is that, this time, the lesson was a lot shorter and a lot less painful. For a change I actually figured out what was going on before I went completely over to the dark side, made appropriate adjustments and am now back on track. Am I proud of some of food choices I've made over the last couple of weeks? Nope. But I don't regret them either. Growth is sometime painful and comes in fits and starts. Those choices have helped me grow a bit and got me a little further down the path of choosing forgiveness over flagellation.

Here's to clean refrigerators, fresh starts and a smidgen of self-awareness!

Dealing with the Aftermath

2010-05-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

When I first began thinking about the CrossFit Masters competition way back last winter I knew it would take dedication and focus to train effectively for it. I also knew that I was starting a business, going to school and continuing my adjustment to self-employment. What I didn't know was that the final weeks of training would be so all consuming.

Once the WODs were announced I basically lived my life around Crossfit and the competition. If I wasn't practicing double unders (much good THAT did me!), at the box with additional training session or on the Masters web site looking for new comments; I was thinking about the WODs, discussing the WODs with Jeff, dreaming about the WODs, visualizing the WODs or muttering to myself about the WODs. Everything else slipped into the background including my business and schoolwork. Luckily Jeff was almost as obsessed as I was so at least I didn't neglect him!!

Now that I've been back from Ohio I'm trying to pick up all the threads of my life again and the "to do" list is a long one. I've added a corporate client, I'm planning a summer CrossFit/weight loss program for the box, I'm three modules behind my schoolwork, my business bookkeeping is way behind and I have got to write a check for business taxes. So guess what's falling off the plate? Yup, my time at the box. I've only been to a couple of WODs since we've been back and my body is beginning to feel the effects.

Given my goal-oriented personality I decided to set a new goal for myself in the hopes that it will spur me to get back to the box and motivated to get my life back under control. The new goal you ask? It's our box workout, The Wolverine. The goal is to do the prescribed workout which is:

6 rounds for time:

10 clean and jerks (men at 135#, women at 95#)
20 pull ups
100 sit ups
600 meter run

I'm thinking Labor Day sounds like a good time measure. Anybody want to join me?

Reporting Back from Ohio and the MASTERS!

2010-05-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

OK kids, settle back and relax, this post is gonna take a while!

We got back from the CrossFit Central East Regional just a couple of days ago where we had 11 athletes competing from CrossFit KoP. A kick-ass 6 person affiliate team (who finished 5th and will be headed to LA to compete in the international CrossFit Games in July), 3 ladies individual competitors and 2 Masters division athletes (Jeff & I). We also had 2 judges and numerous spouses and parents supporting, encouraging, coaching and maintaining sanity. Altogether 16 people made the journey (and trust me, it was a journey) to rural Ohio. We all stayed together in an awesome cabin not far from the site where the events were held. At some point, I'll have to tell some stories from the antics in the woods but suffice it to say, we had a really good time!!

Remember all of my trepidation about competing? The angst, the second guessing, the drama? All of it was for naught. Competing was one of the most life affirming experiences I've ever had and I'm so glad I did it. I was one of four women competing in the Masters division and trust me when I tell you that the other 3 women were amazing people. What a privilege it was to watch them kick the ass out of the 3 WODs we completed. I came in fourth out of the four of us, but frankly I didn't care, I was having too much fun to give it much thought until the very end of the three days. Right now I am currently 17th out of the 24 women who have completed the Masters events worldwide. Not too shabby!!

Here are the three WODs Jeff & I completed:

Day One, WOD #1:

3 rounds for time (15 minute time limit):

50 double unders
21 kettlebell swings (55# for men, 35# for women)
12 pull ups

Day One, WOD #2

10 minutes for a max rep thruster

Day Two, WOD #3

As many rounds a possible in 20 minutes:

5 chest-to-bar pull ups
10 push ups
15 squats

So how'd I do? Well, I DNF'd the first WOD. The double unders were a disaster. I struggled with the physical conditions of jumping rope in the grass and didn't even complete a full round. Surprisingly, I didn't get down about the DNF, I just shook it off and got excited about the thruster WOD.

I hit a 93 pound thruster to place 3rd. Let me tell you, I was soooo excited. I fist pumped, screamed and celebrated, and the crowd went wild!! It was pretty much the coolest experience I have ever had. There is nothing like accomplishing something difficult and feeling the crowd behind you. It was a moment I will always cherish.

I scaled the third WOD by doing jumping pull ups but got 11+ rounds in for the 20 minutes, good enough for last place, but it was a PR for me and considering it was outside, in the grass instead of a nice comfy box, I'll take it!

The other thing that made a huge impression on me was the number of people who stopped me to tell me that I was an inspiration. It startled me at first because I was so focused on doing my best it never occurred to me that I might be impacting others. One woman even asked to take my picture! I got hugs from complete strangers and several of the older female spectators said that they wanted to start CrossFitting after seeing me compete. Before seeing me, they felt it was too intimidating or beyond their capabilities. I guess seeing me stumble through double unders, celebrating a max thruster and scaling my pull ups showed them that the sport is accessible to everyone, even graying midlife women!

Thank you to everyone who posted support, gave me a good wish or even a passing thought. I felt you all with me every step of the way. This past weekend was a life changer for me and I'm still processing the impact on my journey. More posts to come!

Countdown!

2010-05-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well folks, 48 hours from now we'll be deep in the heart of rural Ohio, hopefully having completed our first Master's WOD and preparing for the second. Weather report is for hot, humid air with the strong possibility of rain and/or thunderstorms on Friday and upper 50's and showers on Saturday. And, guess what? All the events are OUTSIDE so we will be doing pull ups, double unders, thrusters, etc. in the rain, mud and wet grass. I say bring on the weather, it seems fitting somehow. After all, if CrossFit were easy, everyone would be doing it!!!

I'm doing this for me but also for all the slightly overweight, older women out there who think that they are too old, too fat, too slow or just not able to be an athlete. Neale Donald Walsch said, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." Ladies, get out there and find the end of your comfort zone. Don't wait until you lose weight, or the kids go to college, or you get that next promotion. Do it now and trust me, it will be worth it!

I am excited, nervous and oh so ready. 3-2-1 GO!!!

You've Come a Long Way Baby!

2010-04-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

This post is the result of a conversation I had on Tuesday while at the box. My discussion partner was a young woman by the name of Kerry. Kerry is not only an amazing athlete she truly is a wonderful young woman. Quick to laugh, quick to hug and someone I am proud to work out with. She is headed to Regionals next week to compete as an individual while carefully nursing a shoulder injury along the way. Kerry has been a competitive swimmer and an athlete all her life, and it shows.

At any rate, I was pretty down on Tuesday, not feeling well and in a bit of a funk about competing next week, and I shared those feelings with Kerry. I think part of my trepidation comes from never being athletic as a child or teenager. I never played sports of any kind, which was pretty OK as a girl growing up in the seventies. I told Kerry that I had never competed in anything close to what we're doing next week and she looked shocked. Her comment: "You were never on a team? Even as a teenager?" She sort of shook her head and we began to talk about getting better at double unders.

Her shock really gave me pause. Kerry, my daughter and most of the young women at the box grew up in a time when girls playing sports in school were the norm. When I was growing up Title IX had yet to be enacted (the legislation was enacted in 1972 but wasn't enforceable until 1976). Girls teams were underfunded, undervalued and unsupported. Nobody went to watch them play except their parents (and maybe not even them). Girls that played multiple sports were completely unheard of, and the popular girls certainly never played on any team.

Now girls' sports teams are the norm. My two nieces play T-ball, do karate, take gymnastics and love to run. Girl's teams receive funding, have their own cheerleaders and never have to wait for the boys to finish with the equipment before they can play. Female athletes are celebrated and muscles on a woman are admired. The young women in my box have never had to question or quash their athletic inclinations and they are so much better for it!

When I think about landmark legislation I think about civil rights, clean air, and voting rights for women, but I often forget about Title IX. I think others do to. When I get to the competition next week and I look around at all the young women pushing hard, sweating, grunting, lifting heavy weight, and running faster than they ever have before, I will take a moment to thank those legislators who enacted Title IX. The world is a much better place thanks to the lessons Kerry and others like her learned through sports.

Rock on Title IX!

Rest Days and THE CLOCK

2010-04-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful day here on Saturday. Blue, blue skies, temps in the 60's near 70 and no need to get out of bed at a decent hour. As I lay there I began to contemplate the day's WOD, count the days till May 7th, and plan how to get my daily double-unders into the day's activities. I also began to take an inventory of the aches and pains going on throughout my body. As I was mulling I realized that the aches and pains might be due, in part at least, to the training schedule I'd been following. In all I had jumped rope, lifted weight, run or done WODs for six straight days. No wonder my body hurt!

It was at this point that the idea of a complete rest day began to infiltrate my consciousness, accompanied by the sound of a clock ticking loudly. I immediately dismissed the notion. After all, I had so much work to do and double-unders wait for no woman! I've also been enjoying my training. It's been fun to see what I can do when I really push and exciting to watch the results. Then our cat, Phil, woke up from sleeping on my head and began to purr. The birds picked up the volume on their chorus and I swear that the sun began to shine even brighter. A little voice inside my head said, "What would you tell other people in this position about a rest day? You'd tell 'em to not be stupid and take a damn day off." The clock ticked louder. Pretty soon it was a war of sounds as the delights of a rest day competed with the sound of another day being ripped off the calendar.

Eventually, I asked Jeff to weigh in on the battle and of course he said, "Don't be stupid, take a damn day off." So I did.

Believe it or not, there were actually several hours during that beautiful day when I didn't think about double-unders, thrusters, pull-ups, scaling or what I was going to wear at the competition. I read silly magazines (Vogue and InStyle ... sigh), cleaned off the deck, drank some Starbucks and counted my blessings. It was a true rest day for my body, mind and spirit.

All good things must come to an end and by the time it came to work out yesterday I was antsy and worried that I had hurt my training. When I had first done the WOD on 4/17 it took me 31 minutes to get my 50 double unders and 36:14 to complete one round. Yesterday I did those same 50 double-unders in 8:18 and not only finished a round but started a second by the time the clock hit the 15 minute cut off. Needless to say, I was pretty stoked.

So, what's the moral of the story? Don't be stupid, take a damn day off!

Roller coasters

2010-04-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love roller coasters? Well, lots of people I suppose, but I love 'em. The higher and scarier the better. I love the feeling of weightlessness, of anticipating the first big drop and I inevitably feel the ride is over far too soon. Jeff and I have always thought that a roller coaster tour of America would be a great way to spend a summer so we've put it on the bucket list. Next time you're standing in line at a big coaster look for the gray-haired couple in CrossFit t-shirts ... that'll be us!

I've been thinking about roller coasters a lot lately because training for the Masters has felt an awful lot like a ride on an old fashioned wooden coaster. You know the kind ... you can hear the bumps of the cars over the track and the click-click-click as the car climbs the hill. You feel everything in a way that you can't on the big steel monstrosities, and while it's fun, you often wind up with a headache afterward.

As I mentioned in my last blog, my training session on Saturday was not what I hoped and I was pretty discouraged. I had come down into the valley from the high I was on after hearing about the WODs and my head was not in a very good place. I was regretting time wasted and beating myself up pretty badly for not training harder. Sunday was a better day (picture the roller coaster car climbing up the next hill) but Monday was a bad day (picture the car racing down from the hill and into a turn) as my right shin started to complain loudly about the impact from all the double-unders (DUs) I was attempting. Tuesday I didn't do any DUs but got awfully close to a PR on a push press (100 pounds went up but I couldn't lock it out ... bummer), so I was starting to feel better (OK, we're climbing up the next hill!).

Today rocked. I managed to cut my DU time in half and also got a full round of the Masters WOD done in under 15 minutes. When I did it last Saturday it took me 36:14 to get one round. That's a HUGE improvement in just a few days. Not only that I got an 85 pound thruster today, a new PR by 20 pounds. (picture me in the roller coaster car screaming around a loop-the-loop with a big shit-eating smile on my face!)

Once again, I am beginning to think I might have a chance to at least finish the first WOD (scaled for pull ups), get a decent score in the second thruster WOD and finish the third WOD (also scaled for pull ups). But this time, it's optimism tinged with realism because now I have a better understanding of what my body can do, but more importantly, what my mind can do. It's not my body putting me on the roller coaster, it's my mind. The time for regrets is past. I can't get all that wasted training time back, I can only make sure I capitalize on the time I have left.

I'm quite sure that the next 16 days will be full of ups and downs (have I worked the roller coaster metaphor to death or what?!) but I intend to go through them with a shit-eating grin as I do my damnedest not to let my mind get in the way of what I know I can do. Stay tuned!!!

A Bucket of Cold Water

2010-04-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

This morning Jeff and I decided to do a test run of the first Masters WOD: 3 rounds for time: 50 double unders, 21 kettlebell swings (35#/55#) and 12 pull ups. There is a 15 minute cut off for this WOD at the competition. It took me 31 minutes just to complete the first 50 DUs and I finished only one round in 36:14. It was actually the first time I had ever done 50 DUs and a few of them were actually pretty respectable but boy am I now intimidated about being ready for this competition.

All my optimism and resolve flew out the window this morning and I feel as if someone literally threw a bucket of cold water in my face. I have 19 days to get DUs and pull ups down so I can get the three rounds in the allotted time. The clock is ticking so loudly I can hardly hear anything else! If you asked me yesterday whether it was possible, I'd have said, "of course!" Today, I am not so sure ...

Middle of the Night Musings

2010-04-16T00:31:00.000-07:00

It's very, very late and the combination of a head cold and the release of the Masters WODs has got my brain working hard so I thought I'd take a few minutes and try and capture all that's going on up there in the hopes I can let it go and get some sleep!

I have been experimenting a bit with this cold by trying not to take over-the-counter symptom relievers and allow my body to dictate the rhythm and pace of its' response to infection. I thought it was a pretty successful experiment until this morning when I woke up after a very poor night's sleep, and quickly decided it was a day to pursue low key activities (sleeping and TV watching being the focus). Needless to say when the Masters WODs were released "low key" was no longer a part of the vocabulary! Since my husband Jeff and I are both competing we spent a lot of time assessing the WODs and our chances. For those interested the WODs and standards can be found at CrossFit Games 2010 Masters Workouts.

Now I know that I only have about three weeks to prepare for the competition and there will be women there who have been athletes all their lives, but darn if I didn't start to imagine that I could actually compete. Not just show up and have fun, but actually compete. All it would require would be getting unassisted pull ups (including chest-to-bar), consistent double-unders and a good, heavy thruster under my belt by May 7th. Piece of cake right? Nope, but possible. Maybe not probable, but definitely possible. So, I'm going to work my ass off and thank the WOD gods that they didn't include muscle ups, handstand push ups, rope climbs, box jumps or 5K runs!

I suspect there are people out there who will take a look at me and quickly decide that I have no place competing, and I must confess there have been many times over the past few months where I questioned my initial decision to compete. But I am fully committed to doing this thing and even if I do have to scale the pull ups you can bet I am going to leave nothing behind on the floor. I intend to leave Ohio glowing with pride in my attempt, in my husband's kick ass performance and the combined efforts of my CrossFit KoP teammates.

Time to be a badass!!

In Pursuit of the Elusive Rx

2010-04-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

I like to to tell the story of my first pull-up at CrossFit (and if you've heard it before, skip down a bit to the next paragraph) because it's so illustrative of how starting something can pay big dividends, even if the start is an ugly one. In order to assist people who can't do a pull up on their own, CrossFit uses a series of, what I call, "big-ass rubber bands" to help people get their chin over the bar. Each band takes a certain amount of weight off the individual, essentially making them lighter, and making it easier to get up. The big black band is the thickest and heaviest and it removes 50 pounds, there are green and blue bands, and even one we call "mental floss" because it only removes a couple of pounds. Well, for my first pull up, I needed ALL the bands, and a couple of people who helped push in order to get my chin over the bar. I was laughing and crying because of the ridiculousness of the situation plus I was hugely embarrassed.

The prescribed (or Rx) way to do a pull up is without assistance, and I'm still not there yet. I can kip with the blue band (the next to smallest band) and get a couple. My goal is to get an unassisted pull up this year so I can Rx the benchmark WOD "Cindy." Most of my goals involve Rx'ing WODs.

In the beginning I couldn't Rx anything, everything had to be scaled in order for me to either complete movements or finish a WOD with the right time domain. Now, I am actually beginning to Rx. My benchmark WODs are actually becoming benchmarks. It isn't always pretty but it's there. This week I Rx'd "Nancy." A WOD where you complete 15 overhead squats with 65 pounds on the bar, then run 400 meters, and then repeat for a total of 5 rounds. I finished in 28:21, dead last but Rx'd!

Now I learned a long time ago that scaling to my skills and abilities was a good thing. Scaling allows me to workout hard and at a high intensity without sacrificing form or hurting myself. It's one of the things I love about CrossFit because anyone can scale. I am still going to be scaling some WODs for a while and maybe forever (I'm not sure there will ever be a muscle up in my future!), and I'm really OK with that. Whenever I get frustrated with scaling I think back to that first pull up and how far I've come.

But once in a while it's nice to get that elusive Rx next to my name!

Navigating our Cultural Schizophrenia

2010-04-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

Get Fit Fast! Fat Acceptance! Eat at Olive Garden! Get Shredded! Buy Dexitrim! Eat at Red Lobster! Find Your Bikini Body! Eat at Carrabas! Grains Are Bad for You! Sugar is Bad for You! Eggs Are Good For You! Eat at McDonalds!

Anybody else's head spinning? We are bombarded everyday and from every corner of our lives with messages regarding what, when, where and how to eat; how we should improve our bodies; how we should accept who we are; how our health is endangered by the size of our waistline; and, if we just put our minds to it, how we can somehow find perfection. I call this cultural schizophrenia. It's a phenomena caused by the incredible amount of media and information which we must process on a daily basis. Think about it: if you are reading this blog chances are that you are on the Internet a fair bit. You also probably watch cable TV, read newspapers and magazines, and, occasionally, speak with other people. Every time you access one of these portals of information you are likely getting conflicting messages about what you "should" be doing to improve your health and lifestyle, or, seeing ads for foods loaded with sugar, fat and salt, guaranteed to drive you back to your self-improvement hamster wheel once you've finished eating.

So how do you navigate in this weird, wired world?

1. Limit the time and energy you spend reading and watching things that negatively impact what you believe to be true about yourself. I used to be an avid reader of People, Star and Us Weekly. Every week I'd load up my shopping cart with these three magazines and eagerly devour them, in fact I called them my "porn." One day I realized I never felt very good about myself after reading them. It felt voyeuristic and judgmental, plus I always got down on myself whenever I'd spot a picture of an actress in her 50's who looked amazing. Why couldn't I just get my act together and be like her?? So I stopped reading these magazines ... cold turkey. I quickly discovered that I really didn't miss reading about Jessica Simpson's "weight issues" plus I saved a ton of money. Do yourself a favor and kick the gossip magazine habit.

2. Remember that everyone is trying to sell you something. Yes, everyone, including me. I'm trying to sell you on a vision of the world where you can live your best life. Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Bud Lite and Kellogg's are trying to sell you something else. TV programs are designed to get you to watch them, magazines are designed to get you to read them and even newspapers have to sell papers. The best way to get you to buy something is to make you think you need it. These folks are deliberately tapping into your insecurities, fears, wants and desires. Get cynical, or skeptical if cynicism is too harsh, but do not believe everything you see or read.

3. There is no one right way, no single path to truth, no simple fix. You can't find perfection through Master Cleanse and you can't find solace in a burger. You can however, find those things within yourself. You are perfect now and the best comfort comes from the surety of self-esteem. You make mistakes, you have bad days and sometimes your pants are just too damn tight to wear in public. Forgive yourself, move on and ignore everyone who is trying to tell you that they can "fix" you.

Lastly, remember your sense of humor and when all else fails ... laugh loud and long at the absurdities of modern life!

Contentment

2010-04-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

Today I felt contented. I was happy and full from the day's experiences and I had time and space to process how I was feeling. If that's not a blessing, I don't know what is!

I was fortunate enough to be able to spend time with my Dad on one of the most beautiful days I have ever experienced. We went on a bike ride on the Suncoast Parkway. We rode a little over 11 miles and boy was it a wonderful time. All I could see was blue skies and all I could hear was the rush of the wind over my helmet. There were hawks and cranes to see, hills and curves to keep it interesting, and always the feel of my legs pumping and blood moving. Frankly, I didn't want the experience to end.

I love the fact that my Dad and I can bike together. We don't always bike alongside one another; sometimes he's in front of me and sometimes I am the one ahead but it all seems right and OK. It reminds me of when I was a kid when we used to canoe on the Manasquan River in NJ. We never talked much then, nor do we now, but when we do it's easy and relaxed. They say that women who turn out to be strong, independent and successful have great fathers who are an important part of their lives. I think I can bear witness to that. I would never be taking on all that I am without the support and love of both my parents. Dad and Mom, you're the best!

I will be back to training, my work and the daily grind in a few days, but today will always be special. Today I felt contented.

Oh the adventures we find!

2010-03-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am on a short road trip down to Florida visiting my parents and experiencing all that western Florida has to offer. Sun, palm trees, an azure pool, and, you guessed it, CrossFit.

It's funny how things change when you're not looking. Last time I was on a road trip it was last fall and I was dealing with trepidation about going to CrossFit Pensacola to do Fight Gone Bad. I remember being terribly nervous and worried that I wouldn't be perceived as a "real" CrossFitter. I believe I actually lost some sleep over the prospect! This trip was different. With the Masters competition only a few weeks away I knew that I had to keep my workouts going during my visit so I did some research and found a couple of boxes near Tampa, none of which was close to my parent's house. In fact, there were no boxes within a 40 mile radius! What did I do ... give up? Noooooooooo. I drove about an hour this morning to a box called CrossFit En Fuego.

Not only was I not nervous I felt pretty good representing CrossFit KoP! I also had an awesome time with box owner Peter Abreut and his wonderful wife Jennifer. Both Peter and Jennifer are Level 1 certified and have created a great environment in their box. I was very warmly welcomed and Peter took good care to determine my levels and abilities before throwing me into the WOD. We had a really nice chat during the warm up and workout about their box, their plans for expansion and comparing the best way to construct pull up bars. Plus I got a great workout! Shoulder presses and a mini met con definitely got my juices flowing after the long drive and I got a 70 pound press so I was happy.

The moral of the story? Sometimes we change without even knowing we are doing it. Six months ago, going to an unfamiliar box was cause for anxiety. Today, it just felt normal. What are you doing today that you weren't doing six months ago? Chances are, more than you ever imagined!

Whole Foods = Schizophrenia?

2010-03-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

Before I get myself into trouble, let me just say a couple of things by way of a disclaimer:

1. I love Whole Foods. I shop there regularly and am a big fan of the work they do in local communities and with their Whole Planet Foundation. Rock on Whole Foods!
2. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist so I am probably misusing the term "schizophrenia." Please forgive me if I offend anyone who suffers from the disease, knows anyone who suffers from it, or just has an opinion on it.

OK, now that that's out of the way, here's today's post.

I was in Whole Foods last week filling my cart with all kinds of yummy fruits and veggies (I am still in search of a really great kale recipe if anyone has one, I just can't seem to find one that Jeff likes!) when I rounded a corner just before the bananas and I literally bumped into a child sitting in a cart eating a Happy Meal and sucking on what looked like a soda. The child could not have been more than 4 years old and was happily engaged in decimating some chicken nuggets. It was rather surreal to say the least. Did that child's parent not understand the irony of bringing McDonalds into Whole Foods, much less letting their child eat it while in the store? If I were in an Acme or Genuardis I don't think I would have had the same reaction. Frankly, I was in shock and chose not to confront the parent but could not shake the idea that I should have said something.

I was mulling over the situation through the rest of my shopping when I got to the check out counter. Now Whole Foods does a pretty good job of stocking the check out lanes with periodicals that have health related content and I get a kick out of seeing how many magazines are dedicated to the practice of yoga. I was perusing the latest issues when I ran across a special issue of Prevention magazine called "Fit Over 40." Since I am both over 40 and working in the health and fitness industry I was intrigued until I saw the main headline ... "Get Your Body Back: The Secret to Fighting Midlife Weight Gain." Juxtaposed with this was the cover model who was so thin you could see her shoulder blades with a face that had yet to see a wrinkle. Clearly the message here was that if you were over 40 and female; a) you were likely fat, or on your way to being fat, and, b) that we should all be skinny and wrinkle-free. I actually said something to the check out clerk because I was so appalled about the messages being given by this single cover.

Given that both these incidents happened at the same place and on the same day, I started thinking about how schizophrenic our culture has become with Whole Foods being a prime example. There is more information available on health and nutrition than ever before with news stories everyday focusing on the obesity epidemic in America with dire warnings about the consequences of fat, salt and sugar. We have more healthy food available to us than ever before. Whole Foods is growing rapidly as are farmer's markets and local farm shares. Health stores are in almost every city. On the other hand, you can buy a lot of fat, sugar and salt in Whole Foods while reading about how to "Erase the Years."

I don't know the cure for this cultural schizophrenia but I do know that it exists and it is making it hard to know what good choices look like. You can't blame Whole Foods for trying to manage within this strange world but there has to be a better way for individuals to be able to navigate and find a path through all these conflicting messages. Let's tackle that in my next post, because I've got a couple of ideas ...

Believe it or not ... a new post!

2010-03-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know, it's been a while. It's been busy around here; some good things, some not-so-good things, but it seems as if it's settling down a bit. Whew!

I suppose the thing that took some time and energy but made the most impact was the opportunity I had to judge at the PA/MD/DE CrossFit Sectionals this past weekend. It was my first exposure to the Games, and to judging, so there was a lot to take in. Frankly, I was pretty nervous about judging because I felt it was a huge responsibility and wanted to be sure I was getting every call right. After all, an athlete was depending on my count to determine where they fell in the standings, and in CrossFit, every rep counts! Luckily I pulled the barbell competition which took place inside (yes, there was an outside WOD that took place in blinding rain and 40 mph winds ... that's CrossFit!).

In my competition, athletes had 3 minutes to get the bar (85 lbs. for women and 155 lbs. for men) from the floor to overhead as many times as possible. Among other things, we were looking for arms to be locked out and feet to be in the proper position. The winning woman managed 38 reps while the winning male got 32 ... huge numbers! I felt very fortunate in the athletes I judged because, with only one exception, they were polite, didn't argue the calls and actually smiled at my jokes. They were also inspiring. In and among the hardcore athletes there were a few people there who competed for the experience and the desire to see what they could do. None of them had expectations of being in the top 20 (top 20 athletes each gender move on to Regionals in May) but they worked hard for every rep and left nothing on the floor. I thought each of them deserved a medal for their hard work and the purity of their effort. Many of them PR'd and each of them finished strong. It was an amazing thing to witness!

Note: This is me in the background. Aimee Lyons (my coach) is getting ready to lift. She came in 5th overall ... Aimee is an awesome athlete and I was very, very proud!

It made me think about the Master's competition at Regionals.
Did I really want to do it? If you've never seen a CrossFit competition imagine 300 people packed in a small space yelling and screaming at the competitors to cheer and encourage them while heavy metal music blasts and the clock runs. It is an intense environment and one that can easily intimidate. That said, it is also exciting to watch and to participate. Your adrenaline is pumping and your heart is pounding but all you can think of is the next rep and doing everything you can to keep going. It's a real rush!

So yeah, I'm still going to compete at the Master's and I have no expectations of winning. BUT, I will honor the other athletes, and myself, and leave nothing on the floor except a puddle of sweat. Consider me inspired!!

Blindsided

2010-03-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

I had all the best intentions in the world last week of posting a new blog on the schizophrenia that is a Whole Foods shopping experience, but I got blindsided. (Don't worry I'll still do the Whole Foods post!) It was a busy CrossFit week that included a really good Whole9 nutrition seminar and a sectionals tune-up at our KoP box. That shouldn't have been an excuse but I got carried away with all the activity and let the blog slip.

Well, this is a new week so why the "Blindsided" title? Unfortunately, we had to rush our cat, Phil, to the animal hospital on Sunday night. Other than when I had to take our daughter to the ER with food poisoning, I have never been so scared. Frankly, I thought Phil was dying. It turns out he had stones in his bladder and one kidney, along with a congenital defect in his bladder. The poor cat was completely blocked. Once he had some pain meds (I wish I could have had some of what he got!) he started to perk back up.

It turns out that Phil needed surgery to take care of the stones and the bladder issue. The surgery took place late this morning and I didn't hear until about an hour ago that Phil was OK and that the surgery was successful. He will be home in a few days with a shaved belly, one of those lovely cone collars and the need for oral antibiotics for several weeks. I am beyond grateful that everything has turned out well. The doctors and nurses at Veterinary Referral Center were amazing and I thank them for their compassion and professionalism.

I was lucky enough to grow up with pets and Jeff and I have had cats in the house for the last 20 years, so I thought I was pretty savvy about having a pet who was sick. I've dealt with sudden death, diabetes, kidney failure and general decline throughout the years, and while I've always been sad about a pet's passing I've never been one of those people who grieved heavily.

This occasion was different. I was in a complete panic as we drove to the hospital and I have, frankly, been barely functional over the past few days. So why all the emotion?

I am an intellectualizer. Even during all the changes of the past year I haven't really felt an emotion I couldn't express pragmatically and deal with through activity and process. Emotions became something I noted and tried to deal with healthfully and with purpose. My feelings about Phil's illness were not something I could possibly intellectualize ... after all, he's a cat, not a human being. My coping mechanisms have all failed because there is no reason for the emotion except love for an animal.

In many ways I am grateful for this experience. It's been difficult and painful but it also reminded me how powerful love is, whether of a cat, a husband, daughter or other family member. In the rush of my business, the box, and day to day activity I think I forgot how deeply I can feel.

If you are lucky enough to have a Phil in your life give them a hug and let your heart fill, don't wait until something happens to be blindsided.

Redemption

2010-02-23T08:34:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I went to see the movie "Crazy Heart" starring Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaal (I hope I spelled her name right!) this weekend. It was a terrific movie where Bridges stars as an alcoholic country-western singer who has been reduced to playing his songs in bowling alleys and little hole-in-the-wall bars. I won't spoil the movie for you but the story is about his fall from grace, his realization that he has fallen and his path toward redemption.

It got me thinking about redemption, what it is, why we need it and how to get it. The dictionary definition is: "The act or process of redeeming." Well, that' wasn't much help so I looked up "redeem." There were several different definitions but the one I think most suited to our purposes is: "to atone for; to offset the bad effect; to make worthwhile." I think it really means an act that helps you buy back a bit of your soul.

My personal theory is that the soul is something like a bank account. The acts we perform on a daily basis are either deposits or withdrawals. They may be acts that impact others or simply those that impact you and how you feel about yourself. Redemptive acts are deposits, those things that we've done to help or support others, or actions we've taken to support our true selves.

I look at CrossFit as a redemptive act as I am slowly undoing all the years of fear, poor habits and self-loathing every time I complete a WOD. I think it's one of the reasons that CrossFit is such a powerful movement, because regardless of where you start you can find redemption in every WOD. Every time you push yourself hard, do more than you thought you could, reach higher than you thought possible you are finding a piece of yourself. Perhaps it's a part of yourself you've never seen before or perhaps it's a piece of you that you thought you'd lost. Either way you've nourished your soul and spirit.

Perhaps it's asking too much of a workout to help redeem my soul but if you ask my friends and family how I've changed since starting CrossFit I think you'll find that I am a better, nicer, easier person since I began my CrossFit journey. Sounds like redemption to me ...

Guilt and Repentance

2010-02-17T11:38:00.000-08:00

It's funny how the universe sometimes conspires to put random events into your life that suddenly take on meaning when brought together. I've lately had several conversations about food and the feelings it sparks in people. It seems that guilt is by far and away the number one feeling associated with food these days.

It's amazing how many people associate yummy food with feeling bad. Enjoyment is quickly followed by self-flagellation which is often followed by loathing and vows to never stray from the path of diet righteousness ever again. A piece of pie becomes a day long self-hate fest ... does that make any sense? What's even crazier is that we women sometimes get together, discuss how"bad" we were and try to one-up each other with tales of food guilt -- for many, food guilt has become a way to bond.

I can vividly remember experiencing that exact same pattern. It wasn't that long ago that my relationship with food was pretty dysfunctional. But now I remember on a daily basis (it's something of a mantra I think) that the definition of nutrition is "the act or process of nourishing or being nourished." Nourishment is a holistic concept. I look at food as a way to nourish not only my body, but my soul and my relationships with others. If I am out with my husband, that fabulous meal we shared is an important part of the time we spend together. Why would I ruin that time bewailing a wonderful chocolate soufflé or the cool, crisp dirty martini I enjoyed?

So, the next time you eat something you feel you "shouldn't have" think about the many ways you are nourishing yourself and let go of the guilt-repentance cycle, you'll be so glad you did!

New Adventures of Old Cindy

2010-02-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

Having survived two of the biggest snowstorms in Philadelphia history with no back pain and no loss of electricity I am counting myself a very lucky woman these days. Shoveling has been no joke and I am so grateful to CrossFit and my chiropractor for being able to shovel for two to three hours at a stretch with no pain or discomfort. Not a bad benchmark for an almost 50 year old!

The other thing the snow enabled me to do was to get my business web site up and running. When I left the corporate world it was with the intention of becoming a health counselor in order to facilitate and inspire change for other mid-life women who wanted to bring health and well-being into their lives. I enrolled in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, got my Level I coaching certification in CrossFit and set myself up with a web site, business cards and a brochure.

Time has gone by very quickly these past six months and I have been told by the school that I will be able to start seeing clients as early as next week. I have had some interest from women at the box in becoming clients and I've been fortunate enough to have other friends offer to refer me through their place of business. Everything is set for success but while I find myself excited and happy to finally be able to put my skills to work I also find myself a bit scared about the whole endeavor. All the old "I can'ts" are trying to pop to the top of my mind, after all, there are lots of good reasons why starting my own business is a really bad idea.

But, thanks to CrossFit (the 21" box notwithstanding) I've had a lot of practice over the past year silencing the "I can'ts" and creating a new way of looking at myself. If I can survive Eva, Fran, Fight Gone Bad and Angie; deadlift 250 pounds; learn Olympic weightlifting (so close to 100 lb push press!) and learn to kip -- then there isn't much else I can't accomplish.

So, I give you Boundless Possibilities, LLC my offering to the world. My hope is that other women find what I have ... knowledge, empowerment and inspiration. I CAN!

How to go slow to go fast

2010-02-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

Last night's WOD was 5 x 5 deadlifts which means 5 sets of 5 reps at increasing weight, which is something that I get pretty excited about. Deadlifts were my first exposure to using a barbell for weight lifting when I started CrossFit and I fell in love with them due to the fact that you really use your ass and legs to lift the weight, the arms are used to simply hold the bar. Unlike many women I had no fear of the weight and given the large size of my lower half I felt I had a fighting chance to fully participate in a WOD, no scaling needed!

I was quickly lifting 175 to 195 pounds and feeling pretty darn sparky about myself when I realized I was starting to feel pain in my lower back after a deadlifting session, and sometimes that pain would continue for several days. Nothing tremendous but a constant ache/stiffness that stayed with me far too long. It wasn't until Coach Jason confronted me with what he said was "poor form" on a deadlift WOD that I connected my back pain to form.

With much grumbling, whining and outright bitching I asked Jason for a private session just to focus on my form. Jason refused to let me lift heavy until my form improved. I was, frankly, a bit insulted (wasn't I the Queeen of Deadlifts after all?) Deadlifiting was the one thing I thought I was good at for God's sake!! As it turns out Jason was 100% right, not only in his assessment about my form but about the need to work that form at lighter weights until it improved.

So, I lowered my weight and focused on form for a couple of months. I lifted slowly and began to notice that I was using my legs a LOT more and that the lifts were getting easier, more fluid and less painful. In other words, I didn't let the quest for a number drive my performance. Going slow paid off last night in that 5 x 5 WOD -- I lifted 215 pounds x 5; a new PR. It wasn't an "accidental" PR (what I call a PR that I got but I'm not sure how, kind of like my double unders) and the lifts felt really good.

The down side of all this pain-free lifting? There's no excuse to get out of shoveling snow!!

Snow Days

2010-02-04T10:55:00.000-08:00

Here in the Northeast we are all on pins and needles awaiting yet another weekend snow storm. Now that I no longer have to worry about commuting, slippery roads and crazy SUV driver who think because they have 4 wheel drive they can fly along, I am able to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet that a snowfall brings. Except for one thing ... not being able to get to the box for the WOD.

I have bought groceries, plus there are logs for the fireplace, gas for the snowblower and movies to watch. But what about my weekend WOD? What about my CrossFit fix? I know I can do burpees in the basement but it's sure not the same thing! So, I am now planning on getting to the box for the noon WOD tomorrow, therefore making Friday my fourth workout day in a row. I can't believe I am even considering 4 days in a row! I am actually at a point now where I think my body can handle it. I might not be at a high intensity tomorrow but I'll damn sure show up and have some fun!!!

I have to say that the idea that I would be frustrated about not being able to get a workout in due to weather is a concept that was alien to me a year ago. How did I get to the point where I so love pushing my body that a couple of days without being at the box feels wrong?! It's been such a remarkable journey and I am so grateful to be in this place!

So, I'll hit the WOD hard tomorrow and get ready to enjoy a snowy weekend complete with all the trimmings (except pancakes for breakfast; gluten you know!). Who knows maybe there will be burpees in the basement after all ...

Level 1 Certification

2010-02-01T09:11:00.000-08:00

Well it was a big, busy weekend in the Handler household as Jeff and I spent Saturday and Sunday working on our CrossFit Level 1 coaching certifications. Both days were exhausting and exhilarating with the final outcome being two brand spanking new CrossFit coaches with the last name of Handler!

I wish I could adequately convey how amazing the weekend was for me. I had an opportunity to meet some of CrossFit's best trainers in the group of six coaches who acted as the certification staff. Each of them gave me the gift of knowledge wrapped in humor, good will and joy while humbling me with their athleticism and love for the CrossFit community. Thanks Chuck and company for everything you did this weekend!

While Jeff wasn't the oldest male in the group of 60 participants I was definitely the oldest woman there and for a change, I really didn't mind. There was tremendous diversity in the group, not just race and gender, but background, education, goals, age, fitness and ability. It was inspiring to be part of such a great group of athletes! (Our certification class is the group in the top photo)

Someone at the cert asked what I wanted to do with my new coaching credentials and my answer was simple -- to inspire other mid-life women to take up CrossFit. This sport truly has room for everyone regardless of fitness level, ability, gender or age and can empower those who try it to do things they never thought possible. Take a look at the groups in the photos above and see if you can imagine yourself in one of them. If I can do it anyone can!

There is a spot waiting for you in CrossFit. Come join us!

Row, Row, Row ...

2010-01-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

Today's WOD was a choice between a 2K and a 5K row. I saw it posted last night and said to myself that a 2K row sounded like a pretty nice workout and coming off of yesterday's Bear, one that would give my overtaxed glutes, hammies and quads a break. So I showed up ready for a pleasant 2000 meters.

Aimee asked who was doing which row and all of a sudden I found myself changing my mind and before I knew it switched to the 5K ... yes kids just like a 5K road race, this meant 3.1 miles on the rowing machine. The longest distance I've ever done is 1000 meters and I did that in just under 5 minutes. While we were warming up I tried to do math in my head to figure how long this 5K was going to take me. I'm not a math whiz during the best of times so all I could come up with was roughly 25-30 minutes as a time to shoot for given that I didn't want to go out of the gate too hard and I wanted to save something for the end.

Now I actually like rowing and I'll take a row over a run any day but 5K was a bit intimidating! So, I shut my eyes, told myself I could do this and got started. By the time I hit 2500 meters I knew I would finish with the only question being how long it would take and how much gas I would have in the tank for the last 1000 meters.

I finished in 27:17 with nothing left in the tank. I pulled as hard as I could for the last 250 meters and left it all on the floor. When I got up from the rower I was surprised to find that while my legs were a bit rubbery, the rest of me felt pretty good.

So, the moral of the story is to not be afraid to challenge yourself. When something feels like the safe choice then it's probably the wrong choice. Pick up the pace, use a heavier weight, tuck your legs a bit higher and TRY ... you might just surprise yourself. I sure did!!

Double or nothing

2010-01-27T13:02:00.000-08:00

I have written a lot over the past few months about my struggles with attaining certain CrossFit skills and the inherent frustration in not being able to do something that so many other people can do so simply. I thought I'd take a moment today to take a break from chronicling struggles to write about some good news.

Aimee and I had set a couple of skill goals for me for the month of January: 5 double unders, using the blue band instead of green for pull ups and progressing from the 16.5" box jumps to something that more closely approximates the 21" box.

I couldn't do a double under at the beginning of the month and today I did 10. I could barely do a kipping pull up on the green band at the beginning of the month and today I did negatives without a band and can do kipping pull ups with the blue band. Today, I also ran 800 meters faster than I ever have before (5:30, not exactly burning up the pavement but fast for me!), did 40 GHD back extensions, 20 GHD sit ups and 20 box jumps on the 16.5" inch box. THEN, I did a full WOD ... the Bear. Click on Aimee's Fitness Blog (CrossFit KoP) for a description of The Bear!

Sometimes it's hard to see progress because we focus on the things we can't do well. For some reason it's human nature to pay more attention to our flaws than our accomplishments. Today was about accomplishment for me and a recognition of how far I've come. There are a lot of things for me to work on, improve and grow from, but for right now, those 10 double unders feel pretty damn good!

Throwdown

2010-01-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

I had the pleasure of attending an awesome event last Saturday hosted by CrossFit 215 a box based in Philadelphia. It was awesome for a couple of reasons: the first was that my husband, Jeff, competed and I had the privilege of watching him kick butt as the oldest male competitor (you did great babe!). The second reason for awesomeness was the opportunity to meet another mid-life female CrossFitter by the name of Janice. Janice is 55 and came to CrossFit about a year ago. She's lost 95 pounds thanks to changes in her diet and her addiction to CrossFit. While all of that is amazing, it was Janice's performance at the competition that was really compelling.

For those not familiar with CrossFit, a competition can look like a multi-participant torture session with spectators. Typically participants are pushing their bodies to extremes and their faces are a reflection of the intensity and pain necessary for their efforts. Janice was certainly intense (and her WOD times reflected that intensity) but it was clear to me that she never lost sight of the wonder and joy that physical activity and community can bring to your soul. She heard the cheers and encouragement and responded to them with smiles. She never shook her head or backed off her effort, she never acted as if she had the slightest doubt she would complete the WODs and she did a great job.

Janice's efforts reminded me again of a key component of CrossFit -- it should be fun. Aimee (who was first amongst the female competitors by the way ... yay Aimee!) also reminded me of that fact last week as we talked about the upcoming Masters competition. It's easy to lose sight of the fun factor when you are trying to set PRs or finish an intense WOD without puking or when contemplating whether your pull ups will meet the chin above the bar standard. But if a 55 year old woman can smile with glee during a 1000 meter row then it's worth remembering for the rest of us.

I applaud you Janice for representing us mid-life women so incredibly well. Great job!!

Finding Intensity

2010-01-19T08:59:00.000-08:00

I just had a chance to watch a video of one of my CrossFit KoP colleagues competing in a challenge up in Connecticut over this past weekend and it was truly humbling. Chris put everything he had into his effort and did not lose sight of his integrity along the way. There were a couple of his clapping push ups that didn't quite meet the standard near the end of the workout. Rather than count them, he insisted on doing them over; no one told him he had to, he simply did it.

Now I have a very vivid picture in my head of what intensity looks like. Chris was entirely present in the moment, he wasn't thinking about the reps to come or the ones that had been completed. He wasn't worrying about his time or his ranking ... he was completely and utterly focused on the task at hand with every fiber of his being. I don't know what was going on in his head but from what I could see from the video, there was no mental dialogue and no room for doubts or unbelief. It was an incredibly inspirational performance.

Chris, thanks for showing me what finding intensity looks like. Now I know what I have to do ...

Changing mindsets

2010-01-14T13:06:00.000-08:00

Well, now that I am officially going to compete at the CrossFit regional Masters qualifier in May I've had to start changing a lot of things, not the least is my mindset about how I show up at the box. While I've always been someone who pushes hard when I'm there I haven't always been consistent in either my attendance or intensity.

Knowing that I have a little less than 5 months to train has become a huge motivator but a real change for me. How do I manage resting during a WOD ... how much time is too much for a rest ... how do I manage the clock effectively ... what weight do I use ... how do I keep a high level of intensity during the whole WOD????? Back when I was CrossFitting to "work out" I rested when I felt I needed to but didn't really worry about intensity or much of anything else, I let each WOD sort of take care of itself.

Now I have to go hard every time and approach each WOD as if I were at the qualifiers. For those you who are at the box when I am, PLEASE yell at me if you see me resting or not giving it my all. Managing this change from athlete to competitive athlete will be a challenge but I'm pretty psyched to see it play out!

Facing Fears

2010-01-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Ironically enough after posting last week on my goals and my "creeping can'ts" I discovered today that I am indeed eligible to compete in the CrossFit regional qualifiers for the Masters Division. Competitors have to be age 50 on or before July 15, 2010 and I turn 50 in June. Last month we had heard that you would have to be 50 at the time of registration which made me ineligible. So I sucked up my disappointment and created a mind set and goals around going for the Masters in 2011. Whoops! Now I have to re-think whether or not I want to attempt the qualifiers in May.

While I have run a few road races I have never really entered an athletic competition that would require really hard core preparation and that would so challenge me physically and mentally, and as I've said before, I am scared to death about this endeavor. I still freeze at box jumps and have a LOT of other exercises that I just can't do yet (rope climbs and muscle ups to name just two) so logically it is absurd to think I could be ready to compete in 5 months.

BUT I can think of no better way to mark my half-century on earth than doing something that scares me so badly. In addition, there are an awful lot of people who would say I am crazy for trying and a whole lot more that don't think I can do it. While I understand that, I love nothing better than showing people (including myself) that they were wrong while defying logic and orderly thinking! I have nothing to lose by competing and a lot to gain physically, mentally and emotionally, and frankly, it could be a lot of fun.

So ... as soon as registration opens up I'll be putting my name in as a competitor. Watch out world, it's time to "do the thing which I think I cannot do." BTW, Eleanor Roosevelt rocked!!

The Creeping Can'ts

2010-01-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

The mind is an amazing thing because there is so much power in our thoughts, both for good and for ill. You'd think that after all this time and the progress I've made over the past year that I would have beaten the "I can'ts" into complete submission, but unfortunately I found myself wrestling with them big time.

I was lying in bed yesterday morning trying to find ways to not show up for CrossFit at noon. Normally after two days of no WODs I'm pretty fired up to get to the box, so this was a little unusual for me. My normal coping mechanism for pushing myself to do something I don't want to do is to think about my goals and how the current behavior would impact them. Would missing CrossFit for a third day negatively impact my goals of doing all WODs as prescribed by year end? Obviously the answer was yes and I was thinking about that when I heard a rather shrill, nasal voice in my head say,"What were you thinking when you set that goal? It was pretty stupid because you are still an overweight, clumsy, almost 50 year old women and you will never be a "real" athlete. There's no way you can possibly measure up to everyone else at the box. Why don't you stay here at home where you belong?!"

At first I welcomed those thoughts. They were familiar ... I'd been hearing versions of them all through my life, and unfortunately, believing them. But for some reason this time was different. My next thought was, "WTF ... shut up!!" After that, I started thinking about all the people that have supported me, believed in me and pushed me. So I said to myself that I should go to the WOD so that I wouldn't disappoint anyone. After all, it definitely took a village to help me jump on a 20" box on New Year's Eve. But you know what? I was the one who made that jump and I was the one standing on top screaming in triumph. I almost let the "I can'ts" get in the way of that jump. If I had listened to my head instead of all those people supporting me I never would have done it. Now I was in bed alone with no one else to help me fight the "I can'ts" so it was up to me to decide what to do. I had to rely on myself.

Here's what I did. I conjured up my best internal ninja assassin and sent her after that nasty, self-defeating voice, hauled my ass out of bed, got through my morning chores and made it to the box for the noon WOD. I realized afterward that the "I can't" thoughts are insidious and deeply ingrained in my psyche. I will have to send my internal ninja out regularly to deal with them, but, the good news is that I have discovered my warrior and she is powerful. I'll always wrestle with the Creeping Can'ts but my ninja will prevail and I will no longer allow those thoughts to dominate, subvert, sabotage or get in the way of what I want. Thanks CrossFit!

My Own Goals for 2010

2010-01-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

OK kids, now it's time to let you in on the last secret to setting and achieving goals: accountability. It's a whole lot easier to give up on a goal when you're the only one who knows about it. Telling someone helps make a goal real (as does writing it down) and it also ensures that you'll hang in there a bit longer if for no other reason than avoiding the embarrassing "How the triathlon training going?" response when you haven't been in the pool for three months!

So, in the spirit of living by my own advice, here are my goals for 2010.

1. My company, Boundless Possibilities, LLC will be generating enough revenue to pay for my school tuition by the end of the year. This means adding at least 2 new clients per month beginning in February when I can start seeing clients.
2. I will complete all CrossFit WODs as prescribed by year end.
3. I will complete the CGI Women's Triathlon in early July (it's a sprint tri so I think this is do-able).
4. I will eliminate all gluten from my diet.
5. I will continue to cook meals at home at least 95% of the time.

That's it. If I had been eligible to compete in the CrossFit Games Regional Master's division I would have included that as well, but it looks as if I'll be too young this year. Gives me something to shoot for in 2011 right?!

Setting Goals

2010-01-04T12:28:00.000-08:00

While I no longer believe in setting New Year's resolutions (please see my post from last week), I do believe in periodically setting and reviewing goals as a way of staying motivated and focused. Frankly, without goals I would be spending all my days happily ensconced on the couch eating ranch style Doritos and making rude comments about Oprah's hair.

I've delivered a lot of goal setting workshops in my day and they all use the SMART acronym for figuring out what a "good" goal looks like. SMART stands for:

S -- Specific

M --Measurable

A -- Achievable (I like this better than Active but whatever works for you!)

R -- Realistic

T -- Timed

Having goals that match all these criteria guarantee that you have a pretty good shot at making them reality. However, there is one important component to goal setting not covered by SMART. It's the "why" factor. In other words, why do you want to set a particular goal? What's motivating you to set a goal?

It's important to understand why you want to achieve something because you will need to call upon your "why" whenever your motivation starts to flag. Not understanding or having proper motivation is the real reason most people fail to achieve their goals. Your motivation has to be personal for you and something that gets you passionate. Trying to achieve a goal because you think your husband wants you to be 10 pounds thinner is not motivation enough to keep you from veering from your nutritional goals. Becoming a lawyer because your mother thinks it would be a good career for you is not going to keep you studying hard for 3 years of law school.

Understanding your "why" also enables you to figure out what barriers will be getting in your way and how best to overcome them. Many people set goals without thinking about what might get in their way. If you set a goal to get up early every morning to run 5 miles and you are NOT a morning person, you've probably doomed yourself to fail if you don't have a plan for how you are going to overcome your internal clock.

In sum, if you are setting goals for 2010 make sure you have three things in place:

1. Be SMART

2. Have a passionate "why"

3. Plan for obstacles

Tomorrow I'll share with you my goals for 2010 and we'll see if I can meet my own criteria!

A New Way of Looking at a New Year

2009-12-28T09:53:00.000-08:00

Now that Christmas and Hanukkah have come and gone, it's time for the traditional game of "What's wrong with me that I want to fix in the New Year?" more commonly know as New Year resolutions. For most people this is an inventory of all that they don't like about themselves: too fat, work too hard, not enough money, not enough sex, drink too much, smoke too much and in general a laundry list of a million ways to feel bad about yourself. It's the reason why gyms and diet centers are crazy places in the first couple weeks in January, people always want to "improve" themselves.

What I've discovered in all the years of using resolutions to fix what's wrong, is that it rarely works. The things that we try to fix are rarely the problem they are merely the most visible symptom of other issues. So what I suggest for New Year's is this: don't make resolutions do two things instead:

1. Think about one or two things that you really like about yourself. Maybe it's your sense of humor, maybe it's your compassion for others, or maybe it's your ability to remain calm while others stress out. Once you've done that, resolve to do more with that strength in 2010 ... stretch yourself to build on something that already works. For those of you that may need help in thinking about what you do well there is a great book by Marcus Buckingham & Donald Clifton called Now Discover Your Strengths that can help you figure out what you really excel at and then how to really capitalize on them.

2. Once you've figured out the one or two things you want to build upon resolve to be proud of yourself for them. When you use those strengths in a way that helps others congratulate yourself, pat yourself on the back, maybe take yourself out to dinner. We spend so much time beating ourselves up for what we not we often lose track of what we are and what we bring to the party. Resolve to recognize when you've done well and reward yourself for it!

Now doesn't that sound a whole lot more fun than a kickboxing class?

A Festivus Miracle

2009-12-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Last night was our holiday party at CrossFit KoP where we celebrated Festivus (the holiday for the rest of us!) and a wonderful time was had by all. Since this was a CrossFit gathering we couldn't let the evening go by without a team WOD to celebrate the holidays. My team was called "Santa's Mistresses" and was composed of four badass women; Steph, Kristin, Kelsey and me .. and we kicked butt!

The three events were max deadlift, max pullups and max bench press. Each of the ladies on our team had PRs for the deadlift and bench press. I don't know what was in the air last night but it was an amazing experience watching everyone surpass their previous marks. How did I do? 250 pound deadlift, 10 pullups and a 100 pound bench press -- it was a Festivus Miracle!!!

I think the party afterward was almost as much fun as the WOD. It was such a pleasure to spend time with some of my favorite people in a relaxed and well lubricated environment. CrossFitters are pretty fun people to begin with but mix in some wine, beer and food and you've got a rockin' time!!

Given the week to come it's likely that I won't be posting until after Christmas so I wish you all a peaceful, joyful holiday full of family, food and fun.

Be well!

Some Interesting News

2009-12-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the day that Aimee put up information relating to the 2010 CrossFit Games which will be held in July in Aromas, CA. For those of you who may not know, there is an annual competition in which CrossFitters compete for the titles of "World's Fittest Man" and "World's Fittest Woman." Information about the Games can be found at 2010 CrossFit Games. Go to the site and look around, it's pretty cool.

What's new this year is a Masters division for competitors aged 50 and over. There will be Master's competitions at the regional level in May to determine who will go to the actual Games in July. Because I won't be 50 until June I assumed that I would not be eligible to compete this year (too young!!) but there is a possibility that the age limit isn't in place until the actual Games in July which would mean I would indeed be eligible.

Up until yesterday I had set my sights on competing at Regionals in 2011 because of my assumptions on the age eligibility, but it looks like it might be possible that I could go to Regionals in May ... 5 and a half months from now. That's quite a change in mindset.

So here's the question: If I can go to Regionals at age 49, can I be ready to compete in 5 months? Or, here's an even better question: Am I prepared to do what it will take to be ready? I think it will take big changes in how I eat and train as well as mental focus and determination. Do I have what it takes for that kind of challenge?

The Gift of Health

2009-12-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

My sister had to undergo some surgery today. She's doing well and they expect her to go home tomorrow. Back in the day, her procedure would have been major surgery where she would have been in the hospital a week, in bed for another two and told not to drive for four more weeks beyond that. These days, she has an operation, goes home the next day and is planning on being back to work in about ten days.

The picture below is the robot they used for the surgery. It's called a DaVinci robot. Despite how screwed up our health care system remains, modern medicine is an amazing thing. I'm glad I'm a denizen of the 21st century and not the 12th!!!

While I was waiting to hear about the surgery, I had a chance to ponder how different our health lives have been over the years. My sister and I are only 21 months apart in age but very, very different people. We bickered and fought growing up so I suppose my waiting anxiously to hear what the doctor had to say might come as a surprise to some! We are physically very different as well. Sharon has always been petite with small bones and has suffered from a variety of ailments over the years, some requiring other surgeries. My mother has also had significant health issues and my dad has had a heart attack and a couple of brushes of cancer. Despite my battle with obesity I have only experienced the hospital as a visitor (with the exception of the birth of my daughter or an unfortunate clumsy accident!) and all my health-related numbers are really good.

Watching my family (and my husband's family as well) deal with health issues is partly what started me on my journey toward health and well-being. I knew I didn't want to live my life with a bunch of prescription drug bottles lined up along the counter nor did I want to have to keep a list of doctors on speed dial. I believe that the changes I've made to my lifestyle came none too soon. I have yet to experience any menopausal symptoms, nor do I expect to. My cholesterol, sugars and blood pressure are well within normal limits and I have even lost my heart murmur. In fact, it is sometimes a shock to look in the mirror and see my grey hair because I have so much energy and joy in life.

I don't take this gift of health for granted. I don't know why my genetics enabled me to survive my best efforts to subvert them by my poor health and nutrition choices through my twenties and thirties, but I sure am grateful to whatever ancestry kept illness at bay! Now I know how to support my genetics through whole foods and physical activity so that this gift of health is no longer wasted, but celebrated through my choices. It's not always easy to make the right choices but I'll take a plate of greens, some grass fed beef and a little quinoa, mixed with a tough CrossFit WOD as a daily prescription over a robot and a pile of pills any day!

The Island of Misfit Toys

2009-12-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

Anyone catch the yearly showing of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" last night? This particular holiday special is one of my top three all time Christmas faves and I never miss it (The Grinch and Charlie Brown are my other two ... Frosty, not so much). As I was watching it last night I started to wonder why Rudolph was such a must watch for me. I knew it wasn't the stop-motion animation or Burl Ives singing "Silver and Gold." While I loved Yukon Cornelius and the Abominable Snowman (Bumbles bounce!), that wasn't quite it either.

Then came the part where Rudolph and the gang discover the Island of Misfit Toys and I remembered how much I wished there was an Island for Misfit People. I have spent much of my life feeling like a misfit; never fitting in, never feeling truly a part of something, always feeling like life was a great restaurant and I was outside looking in with my nose pressed up against the glass. I suppose everyone feels like that at some point in their lives but for me it's been a lifelong sense of being apart and different. Not surprisingly, food felt like an awfully good way of dealing with this feeling of "not quite." Food loves unconditionally and comforts the soul when reassurances from family and friends ring hollow. It's one of the reasons I got to be 232 pounds ... twice.

Do I still feel like a misfit? Yup, all the time. But now I don't wish for an Island of Misfit People. Like Rudolph, I have discovered my purpose and have come to value being different. Rudolph found that what made him different also made him unique and special. After all, Santa would never have made it through the storm without Rudolph.

While I don't have a red nose, I do believe my purpose is to shine light into the darkness so that others can find and shine their own light. So many of us reject what makes us different; we try to cover it up, try to blend in, try to become someone else so we'll be accepted and loved. We play reindeer games and hide our specialness in food or alcohol or drugs or sex. It isn't until we embrace our differentness, accept and love those parts of ourselves that set us apart that we can fly.

What sets you apart? What makes you different from the pack?

Find your red nose and let it glow bright!

All About Eva

2009-12-01T12:22:00.000-08:00

For those of you old enough to remember Bette Davis you may recall a movie she starred in called "All About Eve." In it she played a Broadway star (Margo Channing) who takes a young woman named Eve under her wing. Eventually Eve (played by Anne Baxter) insinuates herself into every facet of Margo's life taking over her friends, her man and her career. At one point, Bette Davis utters the immortal line: "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!" While the movie itself bears no resemblance to a CrossFit WOD, the quote I lifted from the movie certainly applies to tonight's adventure at the box. Tonight we take on Eva.

Eva's description is as follows:

5 Rounds for time of:
800 M Run
KB Swings, 30 reps 2 pood/1.5 pood (70/55lbs)
30 Pull-ups

Aimee has graciously added to the pressure by placing a 50 minute time limit on the WOD. Last time this WOD came up I did the "baby" version which halved the running distance and the number of reps. As I recall, it almost killed me. Tonight I plan on taking on the big lady herself. I will likely scale the weight but I will do the full numbers of reps/meters.

While I am proud of myself for even contemplating a full Eva I am also a bit nervous about getting her done in under 50 minutes. So, if you're reading this please send a kind thought my way, because, "It's going to be a bumpy night!"

Post Thanksgiving Gratitude

2009-11-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

Judging from all the blogs I've reading over the past week, Thanksgiving really brings out the gratitude gene from a lot of people! When I was a kid I read about families who when they gathered around the Thanksgiving table required each person to day something for which they were grateful. People in that family were really profound and I felt like this would be something my family should do as a way to bring us together with that fuzzy warm feeling families on TV always had during the holiday season (thank you Waltons!!). In the days leading up to Thanksgiving I carefully planned how I would introduce the gratitude activity and what I would say. Talk about profound! I was sure I was going to have all the female relatives in tears and might even get my dad a bit choked up.

Thanksgiving came and we were off on our annual pilgrimage to my Aunt Pat's house in northern NJ. As we got through the appetizers and the yearly discussion concerning the doneness of the turkey, my excitement built. This was the Thanksgiving where I would prove my worth by bringing a new perspective to the table, I would not only inspire discussion I would bring us all closer together ... I would be a Thanksgiving hero!!! Once we sat down and my Uncle Ralph gave the blessing I knew it was time. I got everyone's attention and launched into a description of the gratitude activity. I quickly realized that the faces I saw around the table were not wearing expression of joy but rather expressions of dismay. I can't recall how I got everyone to grudgingly participate but I can tell you that it was an extremely painful exercise where most of the family was concerned. Needless to say I didn't make anyone cry nor did my family suddenly come together a la the Brady Bunch.

I think of that Thanksgiving every year especially now that Jeff and I host everyone at our house. I suppose I could try and resurrect the gratitude exercise and try once again to force my family into something that just doesn't fit who we are, but these days I prefer to accept everyone as is. I am grateful for all the people gathered at my table and for those for whom the phone is our Thanksgiving ritual. Those feelings of warmth and closeness I was trying to artificially create already exist. I felt it most particularly this year when I went upstairs after dinner to find my daughter and my two nieces cuddled under the bedcovers in my bedroom watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They were warm, fed and happy.

Now that's something to be grateful for!

Authentic decisions

2009-11-23T13:15:00.000-08:00

As I have progressed on my journey from a couch loving corporate warrior to a CrossFit loving future health counselor I have really begun to examine what it means to be authentic on a very different level. Having been in the world of human resources for a long time I could and did give many a seminar on ethics and decision-making. Many of those seminars included the "red face test" which was a way of internally checking your actions to see if they could pass the red face test. In other words, would you be embarrassed or ashamed to have your actions discovered? Other measures were the "newspaper front page test," or the "what would your mother say" test, all designed to create a personal check on one's decisions.

While my days of corporate ethics seminars are over, my days of making decisions are not. In fact, my decisions have become even more interesting. Because I am in transition I have become very mindful of how my daily decisions relate to the person I am becoming. For example, in the past I would have easily chosen to eat lunch today in a nice restaurant while enjoying a couple of glasses of wine. Lunch would have been followed by shopping and then I would have blown off my evening exercise class. At dinner I would have indulged in a hoagie with a few bottles of beer followed by some form of cookie (or more likely, powdered donuts!) I would have felt bad the next day but not give it too much thought other than to give myself a brief pep talk about "getting back on the diet wagon."

Now, I think through all my decisions to see if they are aligned with my goals. Will this meal or snack provide me the energy I need to get through my CrossFit WOD this afternoon or will it deplete my efforts? Does what I'm eating support a healthy lifestyle or does it interfere? Will I feel good about this decision or will I regret it? Finally, as a future holistic health counselor, would I be able to look a client in the face and recommend something I know I don't do myself. In other words, would I be tacitly saying, "do as I say, not as I do?"

What this enables me to do is better understand my motivations so I can think before I act. It may mean that once in a while I make a food decision that is in conflict with my goals but I am fully aware of the consequences and have willingly chosen to accept them. This makes me a conscious participant in my life and not a victim of cravings or whims. I believe this makes me powerful in a way I never expected because it puts my authentic self in charge; not my past, not my ego, and definitely not the voices in my head who tell me I am thinking way too much and should just shut up and have the hoagie.

Do the decisions you make support who you are and what you want to become? Are you supporting your authentic self?

Sing a happy song

2009-11-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

I've been doing some reading about macrobiotics (don't ask me to explain, I'm still trying to figure it out) and one of the lifestyle suggestions was to "sing a happy song" every day as a way of increasing energy. I had to pause a minute to think when the last time was that I sang. Frankly, I couldn't remember.

I have always been told that I have a horrible singing voice. My mother (a former choral singer in college) always hit the right notes during Christmas services ... me, not so much. In fact, when my daughter was small and I sang along with the radio she would hold her hands over her ears. Not a very subtle sign that I missed a career as an American Idol winner.

In a past life I probably would have dismissed this "sing a happy song" advice as silly, but, I am trying really hard these days to do things that might make me feel uncomfortable and silly. I want to try new things and push the boundaries a bit. That's one of things CrossFit has done for me; enabled me to push boundaries (have I mentioned how much I love CrossFit?).

Just like I ran the other day for fun, today I am going to sing out loud without the Simon Cowell in my head telling me how awful I am. And, if I do hear Simon trying to speak up I am going to politely tell him to shut up and move along, I've got some singing to do!

Running for fun

2009-11-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

As I've progressed as a CrossFit athlete I've worked hard to increase my power, efficiency and capabilities in a number of areas. I've done a good job keeping track of my workouts, making note of new PRs and incorporating my coaches' suggestions for how to continue to improve. All good stuff and all put to good use, but one thing I've noticed is that all my workouts have a purpose and are timed and tracked.

This got me to thinking about physical activity that didn't have a purpose. When we were kids we didn't "work out" and didn't even exercise on purpose outside of gym class (ugh!). We just played. We ran, jumped, built forts, biked, harassed our siblings, got dirty and occasionally lost in the woods. We didn't time anything (except by how hungry we were) and we didn't track our play from one day to the next. What if I incorporated non-goal related physical activity into my day? How would it feel not to log a workout? Would I have a nervous breakdown from not feeding my Type A need for goal achievement? Would it be fun? Would I feel silly?

So, yesterday I put on my workout clothes and didn't "work out." I just ran. No watch, no GPS, no heart monitor. I ran until I didn't want to and then I walked and then I ran again when I felt like it. I looked at the trees, listened to the wind, waved to my neighbors, enjoyed the beauty of the day and silenced the voices in my head. I came back a calmer, happier person.

It was so much fun, I'm going to do it again this afternoon. After that I might just build a fort ...

What is an athlete?

2009-11-13T11:08:00.000-08:00

In Wednesday's post I challenged myself to go back and look at the goals I had set when I started to get serious about CrossFit. There are still quite a few things I want to accomplish (an unassisted pull up, double unders and 21" box jumps are the top three) but I had an underlying goal, one I have lost sight of in the past couple of months ... to become an athlete. I started thinking about what it means to be an athlete late last night while I was watching an old show on FitTV called "Insider Training." What does it mean to "be an athlete?"

The show highlighted two hockey players, one male and one female, and what they were doing in the gym to train for their sports and to overcome their injuries. These two individuals were clearly athletes; no one would mistake them for anything else. They were fit, muscular and had lived their whole lives working toward being professional hockey players. But, I asked myself, what else defined them as athletes? Would that definition apply to me? Have I become an athlete?

In my mind, athletes are devoted to their sports with a single minded focus on what they need to accomplish their athletic goals and will sacrifice to achieve those goals. They have clarity of sight; they know what the end looks like and can envision themselves crossing the finish line triumphantly. Athletes push through pain and indeed, embrace pain as a signal that they have worked hard. They love what they do, they experience joy in what their bodies can do, and they work through frustration when those same bodies do not meet their expectations.

So, am I an athlete? I think I have become one without realizing it. While I don't fit the conventional image of an athlete (yet), I have developed an athlete's mentality. I believe I can accomplish all my CrossFit goals and more. I have changed how and what I eat in order to perform my workouts better and I work hard at improving my form and efficiency. Where I think I need to continue to work is keeping my focus on the goals I have set and not letting my eyes drift from the prize.

What's the prize? Competing at the regional qualifiers in 2011. At that point I will be almost 51 years old and I want to be able to show what can be accomplished by someone who didn't find CrossFit until mid-life. It's a goal worthy of an athlete.

Dogging it

2009-11-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

CrossFit really is an amazing workout (I think I may have said that before), but not only for the reasons you've read about here. It's because you never know what to expect from any particular WOD, unlike most exercise classes or groups at the gym. You pretty much know what to expect from a Spin or Body Pump class and you surely know what awaits you on the elliptical or treadmill. At CrossFit you won't always know what the WOD is like until you're into it.

Aimee always posts the next day's WOD promptly at 10 PM (and you can be sure that all the addicts at the box check it out before going to bed!). This enables you to think about the next day and what effort you think will be required to successfully complete the WOD. Will you be going for a PR? Will you scale a particular exercise? Do you begin finding excuses not to go because there's an exercise you hate or aren't good at? OR Are you psyched because you get to do stuff that you find fun and challenging? By viewing the WOD the night before you have a chance to really position yourself mentally and wrap your head around the work to come.

When I saw yesterday's WOD posted on Monday night I was pretty stoked: 10 rounds of 15 deadlifts and 15 push ups for time. I LOVE deadlifts and I knew I would be able to use the prescribed weight (95 pounds). I also like pushups, although I would be on my knees for that many pushups. I can do pushups on my toes but I crap out at about 5-10. I got to the box, ran my 400 meters and got through the rest of the warm up with no problem. I put my bar together, grabbed a quick drink of water and when the buzzer sounded I was quickly into my deads.

After the first round it all went downhill. I knew my form was off and I was taking forever between rounds. I found myself taking more and more rest during each round with less and less focus. In other words, I was dogging it. As you can see from the picture below (I'm the grey-haired woman in the blue top) I stopped working hard and just went through the motions in order to get the WOD done.

Now this is not how I usually show up at CrossFit, I push myself pretty hard, especially when it's a tough WOD. I expected this to be a good WOD, one at which I could excel, instead I definitely underperformed. So, what's the lesson?

I suspect that a lack of consistency in my workouts combined with a weekend of poor eating had something to do with it. I also believe that I need to put more thought into how I show up at the box. Am I taking my workouts for granted? Have I stopped striving toward my goals? Am I coasting? I think that anytime you achieve a certain amount of success at something it's easy to get complacent. Complacency has no place at CrossFit and therefore no place in my life. I'm going to pull out the goals I had set for myself for 2009 and see what I've achieved and what still eludes me.

It's time to challenge myself to check a couple more of those goals of the list before the end of the year. How about you?

Seasonal Eating

2009-11-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

Seasonal eating is not a topic that gets a lot of attention from people but it's one that I've recently begun to explore as I move further from the coach (junk food addict) to someone who appreciates the connection between what I put in my body and how I feel (healthy food addict?).

Our grocery stores are full of vegetables and produce that comes from all over the world, which you'd think is a good thing ... but it definitely has a down side. One of the results of so much bounty is that we no longer eat seasonally, we eat whatever we feel like eating because it's always in the store. I currently have blueberries and raspberries in my refrigerator, neither of which has been in season here in southeastern PA since the summer. Those berries flew here all the way from South America and they were darn expensive. My addiction to out of season berries is not only costly for me but for the planet as well. How much bigger did my carbon footprint get as a result of all the travel my berries undertook?

So, my goal is to start eating in a more seasonal fashion, relying on fruits and vegetables that grow and are harvested in the late fall, thereby enabling me to eat produce that my body recognizes as appropriate and is grown locally so I can ease my global warming guilt. This means buying and eating things like apples, pears, kale, squash, parsnips and other root vegetables (don't tell Jeff but I may even try something with brussel sprouts!) The other result of this experiment is that I have to try some new cooking methods relying on soups, stews, braising and roasting. Given that I am the queen of sautéing, this will be a bit of challenge! I also plan to be a bit more regular in checking out our local farmer's market rather thank simply going to Whole Foods.

This week I'll be braising kale and cooking a stew based on corn, squash and beans. I'll let you know how it goes!

50 Years and Counting

2009-11-09T09:45:00.000-08:00

Over the last few days I have had the honor of having my parents visit from Florida and hosting their 50th wedding anniversary party at our house here in Wayne. I spent much of the past week cleaning, shopping and preparing for my parents' arrival and the onslaught of guests. By the time Saturday, the day of the party, rolled around I was pretty exhausted, but as the day progressed I came to realize that all the effort was paying off. Our guests were talking, eating, laughing and having a great time while my parents enjoyed themselves as they visited.

When I had a moment and could take in all that was going on I found myself quite moved. Seeing my parents celebrate this milestone and how much they still love each other was truly a blessing for me. There were champagne toasts and a wedding cake (which we insisted on them cutting together ... very cute!)

My parents clearly still love each other after all this time, but what was even more awesome was the love everyone in that room shared for them as well. This gathering of family and friends was an incredible demonstration of the power of love over many years because none of us would be here without these two people and the love they have shared. My parents have not always had an easy life. Sometimes we didn't have a lot of money and there were times I'm sure, when they both thought they wouldn't make it. But, at the end of the day, they raised two daughters who have gone on to have amazing families of their own. Someday (a VERY long time from now, I hope!) my daughter will also have a family, and the children she will raise will be a direct result of the love of these two very special people.

I don't think my parents ever gave much thought to the legacy they have created by simply loving each other and their children, but if they do, I hope they are very proud of what they have created. They are a great example of what love, perseverance, acceptance, forgiveness, humor and compassion can do to bind people and families together. Mom and Dad, I love you very much.

The CrossFit KoP Community

2009-11-04T14:37:00.000-08:00

For those of you who follow other CrossFit related blogs you might have noticed something in their ruminations on CrossFit about the kind of people who tend to be attracted to CrossFit. Folks tend to be type A, somewhat competitive, focused on getting a great workout and typically have a short attention span. They get bored easily and tend to exhibit a keen sense of humor.

All this is true of most of the people who attend classes at CrossFit KoP. What sets our box apart though goes beyond "typical" Crossfitters. It is the unbelievable amount of support and good will that people exhibit before, during and after a WOD. In all my years of "going to the gym" I have never felt so lifted up by a group of people. Whenever I feel like I can't do one more rep there's always someone encouraging me to keep going, to push through and not give up.

Yesterday's WOD (Kelly) was no exception. By round 5 I was walking as much as I was running and my legs felt like lead. I was sure I would never be able to get the last set of 30 box jumps done and everyone else had finished well ahead of me. Unlike most gyms, CrossFitters don't leave as soon as their workout is done, they stay and support those who are still working. I must have had 5 or 6 people shouting encouragement and helping me stay focused. It's a very powerful thing to hear people cheering for you when you feel you have almost nothing left to give. I don't think I would have made it last night without the group hanging in there with me.

CrossFit KoP'ers, you are the best!!!

In case anyone is thinking about CrossFit but doesn't know where or how to get started, Aimee is holding several "beginner" classes this month. Click here CrossFit Lite for more information. Check it out!

A WOD that scares me

2009-11-03T12:17:00.000-08:00

I've been a CrossFitter for almost a year now (well 9 months anyway) and I have experienced enough tough WODs to feel fairly confidant that I can survive pretty much anything that's thrown at me but today's WOD chills me to my core. It's Kelly ... 5 rounds for time: run 400 meters, 30 box jumps and 30 wall balls. All together that's a mile and a quarter of running, 150 box jumps and 150 wall balls.

I could deal with the running and wall balls but the box jumps petrify me. I have yet to conquer the 21 inch box and I am unsure that I will ever be able to jump that high. I know it's all in my mind. When I tuck my knees and jump without trying to get on the box I can clear 21 inches with no problem, but put a box in front of me and I freeze. I simply cannot wrap my head around jumping that high; especially 150 times. Aimee has gotten me to the point where I'm regularly jumping a 16.5 inch box but even that is a mental struggle for me.

So, how am I going to handle this WOD? First of all, I'm going to have fun and relax. Second, I'm going to do the best I can and push myself to really find my limits. Third, I'm going to forget about 5 rounds and take each round as it comes. Finally, I'm going to stop thinking and be in the moment. I can DO this!!

POSTSCRIPT: I completed Kelly in 41 minutes, by far the slowest in the class but I feel like I did OK nonetheless. I finished all 5 rounds despite seriously thinking about ending the WOD at 3 rounds. The good thing about sticking with all 5 rounds is that I think I have lost my fear of the 16.5 inch box ... now it's time to conquer the 21 inch box!

Starting Over (again)

2009-11-02T08:35:00.000-08:00

Now that the flu has beaten a retreat I can focus on getting back to CrossFit and healthy eating and I have to say that it feels like I am starting back at the beginning again. It's been a week of poor appetite and subsequently, poor food choices with little or no physical activity. So, I am feeling a bit mushy around the middle and more than a little nervous about getting back to the box.

Starting over is hard, and in many ways, harder than starting for the first time. Starting something for the first time has the allure of the unknown and most people get pretty excited about starting something new. When you start over you already know what your strengths and weaknesses are. You know where you are likely to trip and you know when you're likely to fall. The good news though is that you can plan for those things and focus past them. You also know what success feels like, and you can plan for that too.

I used to think that having to start over was a bad thing, but I've come to realize that starting over is a gift. Every time I try and fail I've learned something about myself that will aid me in the next attempt. The trick is remembering what I've learned and actually applying it to the next go round. The other trick is forgiving myself for having to start again and congratulating myself for the courage to get back in the fight.

So, here's where I pick myself up, dust myself off, grin sheepishly and jump back in. It's time to start over ... again.

Nutrition and the flu

2009-10-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all seen the CDC recommendations for avoiding the H1N1 virus as well as seasonal flu. Those recommendations include hand washing, coughing/sneezing into your folded arm (the crook of your elbow) and avoiding situations where you might come in contact with individuals who may be incubating the virus. CDC H1N1 Prevention and Treatment.

Having just weathered a bout of what I think was H1N1 (and trust me, it was awful) I wondered what the CDC had to say about the role of nutrition in the avoidance of viruses. There is no discussion of nutrition to be found in either prevention or treatment of the virus. I find it a bit surprising that the CDC has no interest in nutrition and it's role in preventing disease. On second thought, perhaps I shouldn't find it so shocking, after all, their primary focus is now on pushing the vaccine ... pharmaceutical companies anyone? Well, that's another topic for another time, back to the flu.

While I was sick I had very little appetite and when I did my body wanted carbs and fat which I tried to supply through scrambled eggs and cheese plus soup and buttered toast. But what should I have fed my body to speed healing and to help alleviate symptoms? Well, there is very little out there to help answer the question, but here's what I've gleaned.

Chicken soup is no joke, it provides everything my body was asking for plus protein.
The scrambled eggs were good, I should have cut out the cheese though due to the relationship between dairy and the development of mucous.
Carbs and fat provide energy and help the metabolism keep moving, just make sure they are the right carbs and fats. My craving for white bread and butter probably had more to do with what my mom gave me when I was sick than what my body really wanted. Try to avoid gluten if you can as it can create inflammation which inhibits healing. My husband knew that I shouldn't have gluten but my fever of close to 104 degrees prevented rational discussion ... I got the white toast and butter.
Keep hydrated so push fluids. By fluids, I mean water. NOT sports drinks, NOT fruit juice, NOT whiskey (OK maybe a little whiskey, just for medicinal purposes!). Water is what the body needs to flush things out and avoid dehydration. Avoid coffee and especially soda. If you are drinking tea, try red tea instead of green or black. It has the same kind of antioxidants but doesn't have the caffeine.
Stay in bed, don't try to be a hero. Eventually your body will hurt so much you won't have a choice, but the sooner you rest the quicker you can get over the virus. Don't try to "work at home," just rest, it's what your body is demanding so listen.
Thanks to the advice of Jen Fugo, I found taking hot showers helped with the body aches that came with the fever. When the pain became too bad I caved in and took ibuprofen as well.

I'll do some more research on this topic and publish what I learn. I think my diet and exercise had been pretty good in the weeks prior to this bout of flu but perhaps there is something more specific that can be done. I'll let you know!

A Weekend of CrossFit

2009-10-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! Saturday marked the grand opening of our new box in Bridgeport, PA. Over 8,000 square feet of mats, pull up bars, ropes, barbells and fun! Of course there was a WOD associated with the grand opening, "Yack in the Box." Three rounds for time of wall balls and clean and jerks. Over 75 people participated in either (some did both) an individual WOD or a team WOD. It was tremendously exciting to see so many people working so hard, supporting each others efforts and having fun. Really, it was quite interesting to see the diversity of people who do CrossFit. Men, women, kids, all age groups, sizes and shapes. It was so inspiring to see people push themselves and feel so good about their efforts.

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to support Aimee by working our CrossFit KOP booth at the Upper Merion Fit Fest, an annual event where the emphasis is on health and fitness. Aimee had brought some items from the box and our job was to coach people (OK, mostly kids) through successfully completing some key CrossFit exercises: squats, kettlebell swings, box jumps, jumping rope, etc. I had a blast and I think Aimee may get some new business because of the day. The best thing was watching how kids approached the exercises. They were intrigued and excited, they knew it was going to be fun ... so it was. The adults groaned and moaned, they knew it wasn't going to be fun ... and it wasn't.

Both days provided a lot of inspiration to me and a reminder that doing the best you can combined with childlike enthusiasm is a great approach to life, not just CrossFit. Anybody got a jump rope?

Windows ... Day 4

2009-10-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, today is day FOUR of my window cleaning project. I find myself astonished that cleaning windows could: A.) Take so frikkin' long; B). Be such a physical effort; and C.) Take so frikkin' long!!!

Take my advice ... if you have a Type A personality, do not, I repeat, do not, clean your own windows. Find a magical , wonderful person to do it for you and pay them a whole lot of money and then shower them with blessings before they leave your house because a good window cleaner is worth their weight in gold! I was literally down on my knees with a toothbrush trying to get at the grime that had built up over years of neglect along the window frames and the slots where the windows fit ... a TOOTHBRUSH!!

Unfortunately, I am not yet done with all the windows in the house. I still have two more levels to go (we have a spilt level that has four levels). I am hoping to finally finish the job on Monday.

In my blog on Tuesday I likened this job to a hard CrossFit WOD because it was taking focus and determination to keep it going. I had no idea when I wrote that blog how right I was. It has taken four days to complete two levels of windows to my satisfaction. I could never have made it through this project without the "never say quit" attitude I have developed through CrossFit as well has the physical strength and endurance I have built as well. Taking windows and screens out and putting them back, vacuuming and scrubbing on your knees is physically demanding. Window cleaning may not be a cardio workout but I was definitely using my arms, legs and core to get the job done. CrossFit works!

An Unintended CrossFit Lesson

2009-10-20T13:16:00.000-07:00

Let me start out by saying that I am no June Cleaver, Betty Crocker, or even my mother when it comes to housework. Frankly, I dislike housework to the extent that, if left to my own devices, it would be hard to distinguish our cat from the dust bunnies. In fact, when our daughter was a small child I did my best to convince her that the dust bunnies under her bed were actual bunnies and therefore pets. Fortunately, Rachel was smart even then and didn't fall for it.

Now that I am no longer employed in the corporate world, the housework has fallen to me to do. I've created a "to do" list for all the chores and this week is window cleaning. Let me state at the outset that I think that cleaning windows is akin to root canal ... slow and painful. In past years, I've hired someone to come in and do the job, but this year it's up to me.

I assembled all my equipment, cranked up the stereo and got started. As I began my work I realized that I was approaching the windows in exactly the same way I approach a difficult WOD. When I'm at CrossFit I don't think about the total number of reps or rounds. I focus on what's in front of me and completing the exercise with good form and intensity. In the case of my windows, it became one window at a time, and rather than zooming through just to complete the chore, I worked hard to really clean all the parts of the window, not just the glass. I also took the time to breathe in the beautiful day and revel in the fact that I was able to enjoy the sunshine and blue skies.

While I can't say I had fun cleaning the windows I can say that I did the best job at a hateful chore that I've ever done. There is a lot to be said by bringing my CrossFit mentality out of the box and into other parts of my life. The connection is obvious when I can carry four fully packed grocery bags up stairs without breathing heavily, but CrossFit is as much about mental focus as physical ability. It's nice to know that I've absorbed a bit of that lesson as well.

A Letter to My Body: Part Two

2009-10-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

I had another long road trip this weekend when Jeff & I drove out to Pittsburgh to visit our daughter and her boyfriend. We had a wonderful time and it is gratifying to see what an incredible woman our daughter has become. She is thoughtful, funny, smart, compassionate, beautiful and the kind of person you want to spend time with because she's so much fun to be around.

Needless to say we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly, but my drive home was occupied with composing the "Letter to My Body" I discussed on the blog last Thursday. As I expected, this was difficult to write but I think it's something I want to keep close over the next few months as we head into the holiday season.

Here goes:

Dear Body:

After thinking about everything I've put you through over the last 49 years and how I want to live the rest of my life, I hereby commit to the following practices to which I will adhere:

I will not engage in any more fat talk: you are strong, powerful and beautiful just as you are and I will no longer denigrate you or your accomplishments by calling attention to what I perceive as flaws.
I will nurture you through healthy food and drink. I respect what you can accomplish physically and I want to support that through choosing healthy food and drink (football Sundays notwithstanding!)
I will listen to your needs for rest and rejuvenation and provide you mental and physical rest when you need it.
I will try not to take everything so seriously. Movement can and should be enjoyed for its own sake. Not every workout needs to be a PR. I will remember to dance once in a while!
I will work to recognize when I am making bad choices and understand what might be behind those choices so I don't make them again.
I will respect the connection between body, mind and spirit and try to keep them aligned.
I will forgive you.

I love you.

Cindy

A Letter to My Body

2009-10-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

As a part of the health counseling certification program I'm attending we are supposed to write a letter to our bodies announcing our intention to listen more carefully to our body's messages and to act in a more loving way toward it. The author of our textbook, Joshua Rosenthal, provided an example and it was so good I thought I'd reproduce it here.

Dearest body of mine,

After careful thought and consideration, I hereby promise to:
Accept you and be grateful for you just the way you are
Love and appreciate you for what you do
Offer you healthy foods and drinks
Overcome the addictions that hurt you
Realize that laughter and play and rest help you feel good
Exercise regularly and appropriately for my body type
Adorn you with nice, comfortable clothes and shoes
Understand that my unexpressed emotions and thoughts affect you
Listen to the messages you are sending me when you are tired or sick
Accept that I have the power to heal you
Realize that you deserve to be healthy
Honor you as the temple of my soul.

I love you so much ...

I am having some difficulty with this assignment because I have always viewed my body as something that has to be changed or be different in order for me to feel good about it. Thanks to CrossFit though, that's beginning to change. I am strong and powerful when I am training. I can lift, run, pull, push and sweat. My body does amazing things so I think it deserves to be honored and appreciated.

So, I will work on this assignment over the weekend and publish my letter on the blog on Monday. I challenge you to write your own letter, and if you're feeling bold, post it to comments. I venture to guess that we'll all feel pretty amazing about ourselves once we're done!

What Have You Done Today to Make Yourself Feel Proud?

2009-10-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

As a devoted fan of the TV show "The Biggest Loser," I am confronted with this question every Tuesday evening at 8 PM when the show's theme music comes on. It's a question that's easy to pass off or make a snarky comment about because I think very few of us actually think about what makes us feel proud of ourselves ... not our children, spouses, partners, families, pets, colleagues, jobs or possessions. We are proud of others; rarely ourselves.

When was the last time you said out loud that you were proud of yourself? What did you do to make yourself feel proud? Did you say it to someone else? How did you say it ... sheepishly or with real fervor?

My health counselor, Jen Fugo (the world's BEST health counselor by the way!), got me thinking about this topic today after our session. We were discussing a book she had given me to read and the concept of self-love and self-care came up. These are very difficult concepts for many of us, particularly women, who are prone to loving, nurturing and focusing on others, sometimes to the complete exclusion of themselves. I think this extends to the notion of self-pride as well.

I don't know about you but I have a hard time saying that I am proud of myself. It feels boastful and immodest. When someone tells me that I've done something well or meaningful I tend to thank them and then find a reason why it wasn't me who should be rewarded. It was the class or the team or someone else's efforts that created the good outcome. But if I'm honest I know that I've always craved the approbation of others. When I was a child having my parents tell me they were proud of me was the best reward I could have gotten. I glowed with happiness, it was the ultimate goal.

As I've moved through this journey I am discovering that I need to hear those words from others less and less. Sure it's nice to hear and I'll always get a thrill at having someone I love and/or respect say that I've done something to make them proud, but I want to make myself proud first. That means I have to be able to say the words "I'm proud of myself for ..." and even more important believe them. It also means when someone tells me that they're proud of me I have to believe that as well.

So, let me put it out there ... I AM PROUD OF MYSELF for finding a CrossFit box in Pensacola and doing Fight Gone Bad. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF for starting this blog and chronicling my journey so that others can be helped. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF for quitting a six figure job in an uncertain economy so that I can live a life that is fulfilled and purposeful. Mostly though, today, I AM PROUD OF MYSELF for being proud ... and believing it.

Getting a rhythm

2009-10-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

This is officially the start of my second week home after the long trip and I am struggling to get into a rhythm or a structure for my days. I am, by nature, a night owl and without an alarm going off in my ear every morning and someplace to go to where I am supposed to be "a professional" I find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Extended sleep in the AM leads to staying up later in the PM which leads to a cycle where I'm staying up to all hours and getting up in the late morning. This is not a compatible schedule with the rest of the world, especially my husband.

I have schoolwork and housework to define my days but no one but me cares in what order I get my work done or even if it gets done at all, after all, there's always tomorrow! I am also, by nature, an unstructured person which means I don't naturally create lists or schedules, they've always been imposed from outside (thanks Mom!)

If there's anyone out there who works from home after years in the corporate world who's got some ideas on how to create structure for a naturally un-structured person, please post to comments. I need some help (other than setting an alarm and forcing myself to get up at 7:30 AM ... I got that one for myself!)

The Girls of CrossFit

2009-10-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

It's always an interesting day at the box when a "named" WOD comes up on the rotation. A named WOD is exactly what it sounds like, the workout has a person's name attached to it. Usually these are women's names. The only rationale for this naming protocol I can discern is the same as hurricanes ... men came up with the names because the storm (or WOD) looks deceptive but winds up kicking the sh** out of you when you're not looking.

There aren't too many named WODs but Cindy happens to be one of them (AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible) in 20 minutes) of 5 pull ups, 10 push ups and 15 air squats. I find it a bit disconcerting at the box when Cindy comes around as a workout because people there refer to "doing" Cindy. My sense of humor heads into the gutter pretty quickly so I tend to chuckle like a 12 year old whenever someone talks about how many rounds of "Cindy" they can do!!!

At any rate, yesterday was the Fran WOD. Fran is a benchmark CrossFit WOD and one where you define your progress and place as a CrossFitter. I was a little nervous coming off of a long lay off plus two days of hard WODs prior to yesterday's attempt but once again, my fears were misplaced. While I didn't Rx (do the full prescribed WOD which was 21-15-9 of 65# thrusters and pull-ups), I was able to increase the weight to 55# and move from the black band to the green band for my pullups. I actually increased my time from 7:19 to 9:09 but I came a lot closer to an Rx with good form ... and I'll take that as a victory.

It's funny, a few months go I would have been bummed that I didn't Rx or that my time was longer because I thought CrossFit was about making it to a certain mark or competing with others to achieve the bast time. Now I realize that CrossFit is about my fitness and my progress and I am making significant strides in both. I'll Rx next time and the time after that I'll get a PR. Maybe I'll never be an "elite" athlete according to some CrossFitters but I can tell you that when I'm "doing" Cindy at age 80 I'll be the fittest 80 year old I can be ... and that's OK with me.

Pushing Through

2009-10-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

I guess the title of this post tells you what decision I made yesterday! I went to our CrossFit box to work out. I was a bit concerned about whether I could perform at all, but I felt that getting my body moving and working was not going to hurt anything and might actually help me feel better.

So, I tossed my concerns to the curb and went to the box thinking that showing up was a bit of a victory and that I would be OK with a sub-par performance given the time off and how my body was feeling. I was astonished at how well my body performed. A new PR (personal record) for the 500M row (1:56 down from 2:09) and for max pullups (4 with the green band, double my old number)!!! I knew I was going to be OK when I ran the 400M warm-up with no problem and fell on my ass while attempting an overhead squat ... good times!

In all my other attempts to "get fit" I've always been completely derailed by vacations or sickness. A vacation was always an excuse to overeat and slack off from physical activity so getting back to the gym always meant starting all over again because I had lost whatever muscle I had gained.

Yesterday's experience was completely different. I felt like I had never really left and my body felt strong, despite the aches and tiredness. I also realized that I vacationed differently this time.

I did work out a bit while I was away but not with the same intensity or focus as at home, but they were workouts nonetheless. I also stayed active by biking, swimming and running. Additionally, I tried to keep my diet fairly reasonable over the last few weeks (Doc's fried shrimp was an understandable exception). I couldn't keep completely gluten-free and I definitely pickled my liver on a daily basis, but I tried to get as many salads and whole foods into my system as possible (the last two days on the road notwithstanding ... McDonald's is NOT my friend!).

I guess what I'm saying is that my fear of losing the gains I've made while I was on vacation turned out to be groundless. I don't think I realized until today what that means for me. It means that the changes I've made are permanent and real and that I can stay true to myself despite obstacles.

Pretty cool, huh?

When is 100% really required?

2009-10-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

I thought I was getting better on Tuesday night and woke up yesterday morning tired but not feeling too bad. Did a bunch of stuff around the house and was planning on going to the box to work with Aimee and then around 3 PM I felt like I had been hit by a truck. The body aches were very bad and I was so tired I had to stretch out on the couch for a few minutes. This morning brings tiredness but the body aches seem to be diminished a bit and I'd put my self at about 60% of capacity.

My mom would tell me to rest, as would my husband and most of my friends but I am pretty done with resting. I need to get back to CrossFit and there are things I need to do for school and for my business. If I'm going to feel lousy anyway why not get a few things done along the way? On the other hand, I spoke about the need for patience on this very blog not that long ago (OK, it was Tuesday!).

Should I continue to listen to my body or should I listen to my head which says to push through it?

The Flu Strikes

2009-10-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was supposed to be my first day back at the box after my trip but right around 3 PM I could feel the tell tale signs of what feels like flu. Today I am achy, tired and feeling downright yucky.

Rather than flu though, could it be my body de-toxing from the trip, especially the two days I spent driving home? Fast food, poor sleep, long days behind the wheel might be behind all this. It could also be my body's way of telling me to get some rest.

So, I'm going to listen to my body and get some rest while feeding it with organic, non-processed food, plenty of liquids and some hot tea. Whether it's the flu or de-tox, it'll pass soon. I'll just have to be patient and listen to what my body is telling me.

Patience has never been my strong suit but given the number of times I mention the word in my blog, perhaps I'd best learn!

2600 miles later

2009-10-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Home at last!!!!!! I wish I could begin to describe how good it feels to be home, but there are no words that do the feeling justice. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to go on this 2 week odyssey but I am thrilled to be picking up the threads of my life again. I missed Jeff more then I ever thought possible. He is truly the love of my life and his absence was a hole in my heart that nothing could fill.

Other things I missed:

My own bed
My CrossFit coach and box (especially for Fight Gone Bad)
Whole Foods
Seasonally appropriate temperatures (yay Fall!)
My sports bar on Sunday afternoons
A reliable internet connection
My life

I think the one real thing I discovered during this trip was a sense of surety about myself and the direction I have chosen. I've never felt that before. Normally I second guess and re-think decisions, but not this one. I KNOW that becoming a coach/counselor for midlife women is what I should be doing. I KNOW that CrossFit is a component of that as is the role nutrition and clean eating plays in overall well being. Now every decision I make will put me closer to living the life I was meant to live.

It's my time now ... let's rock!

Stay tuned ...

2009-10-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

I promise that tomorrow's blog will have details and lessons learned from my road trip, but not tonight.

I have arrived home and am having the most wonderful day. Zombieland rules, the Cowboys lost and my husband clearly missed me. Life is good!

A Tale of Two Bicyclists

2009-09-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

Today was the day a cold front hit western Florida so temps were in the low 60s this morning when I woke up and the humidity had dropped to almost nothing. A perfect day for a bike ride! Dad loaded the bikes on the back of his truck and off we went to to ride the Withlacoochee Trail.

Having not been on a bike in about 30 years I was a little nervous about whether or not I would have to re-learn my bike riding skills but I was pleasantly surprised to find that my days spent on my banana seat and streamered handlebars had not been completely lost in the mists of time. It also helped that I was borrowing my Mom's bike which had a huge seat, high handlebars and big tires. I must have looked like quite a sight perched on that bike!

It was a really beautiful morning and it felt good to move my body. The trail was relatively flat with a few gentle hills and it took us through a variety of landscapes. There were horse and dairy farms, cemeteries, old shacks, and at least one camel farm. It was quite a surprise to come over the crest of a hill to find a camel gazing back at you from across the fence!

When I think back to last February when we last visited and how I had really just started reclaiming my physical self, I was astonished at how easy that 15 and a half miles went for me. We moved pretty speedily but I never felt stressed or like I was working hard. It was a joy to be outside with the sun in my face and the wind rushing past my helmeted head. I felt like I was engaged with my surroundings and I realized that I have begun to move from being a spectator in my life to being an active participant.

Dad and I didn't chat much but it was wonderful watching him enjoy himself. He had had a skin lesion removed yesterday (thankfully it was pre-cancerous and not malignant) and is coming back from a heart attack and prostate cancer last year. He cruised along, pumping his legs easily, and making the 15.5 miles look pretty effortless. It made me very proud and a bit humbled that he has come so far.

At the end of our ride we loaded the bikes back on the truck, gave each other a fist bump and headed on back home. I will treasure this morning in my memories.

Fathers and mothers and daughters ... oh my!

2009-09-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

Pre-blog note: If you say the title with the same phrasing as the "Lions and tigers ad bears ... oh my" line from the Wizard of Oz, you'll get my drift.

I have finally arrived at my parents house in western Florida about an hour north of Tampa after having survived an 8 hour car trip with my mother yesterday. Poor Mom!

Jeff wired up my car with his Sirrius radio before I left PA as a way for me to be able to listen to Eagles games while on the road. In order for the radio to function properly it had a to sit in a very particular place in the front passenger's seat, which my mother also needed to occupy. At one point I accused her of moving during a critical play (which disrupted the radio signal ... I think I used an S-word AND an F-word) and she was so afraid of moving again I believe she may have required the jaws of life to get out of the car.

Now that I'm here I find it difficult to figure out how to behave. Am I a guest? Am I the empowered CrossFit athlete who has begun to develop a self-confidence she's never known?

I've settled on a combination of them both in the hopes I can get out of here without offending my mom while retaining my sanity (Dad is like Switzerland in this dynamic; neutral but scenic). While I love my parents a great deal, this is their home, not mine, and different rules apply. Patience is the order of the day and it feels pretty good to be an adult.

My parents are finally starting to look and act their age. I think it's about time I do the same.

A different sort of day.

2009-09-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

I made it to the box in Pensacola. I am happy with the fact that I reached so far of of my comfort zone (and I got a PR) but I still don't feel like it was enough.

When does one experience pure satisfaction at an accomplishment? I wish I knew. Was it because I wasn't home and with friends? Was it because I knew my form disintegrated in Round 3? Or is it that I'm such a perfectionist that pride is not in my vocabulary?

When is enough, enough?

How many uses are there for a dead mullet? (The fish not the hairstyle)

2009-09-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today's adventures on the "Redneck Riviera" included lunch at a place called Tacky Jacks along with drinks at a classic honky tonk by the name of Flora-bama. Flora-bama is so named because it sits along the state line between Florida and Alabama (although I technically it's in Florida since they were selling Florida lottery tickets). An additional claim to fame is the annual "international" mullet throwing contest which had its 25th anniversary this year. Apparently I have been living life in a bubble because the contest attracts thousands of people all of whom either want to throw a dead fish or drink and watch other people throwing dead fish. I would personally vote for watching and drinking but given a few bushwhackers I can see some of the appeal.

At any rate there was a breeze, cold beer and place to sit and watch the waves roll in off the gulf. This was pretty much my idea of heaven, I did get a kick out of watching my mother people-watch because there were some pretty interesting folk plus we lost count of the number of bras hung over the bar. It was a great afternoon!

Now comes the big question. Do I go to an unknown box to participate in Fight Gone Bad tomorrow? I really want to do it but am scared out of my mind. First of all, I have to drive there by myself and then participate by myself ... no husband, no friends, no familiar surroundings. I will be completely out of my comfort zone and nervous as hell. Do I go? Stay tuned ....

Does life get much better than this?

2009-09-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

Today was the day we arrived in Orange Beach, Alabama for a few days of ladies only fun. My mom, my Aunt Ilene and me together at Ilene's condo for three days of pool time, beach time, shopping time and maybe a little drinking time.

Tonight was dinner at Doc's, a local shrimp and beer place. A cold Corona, some shrimp, coleslaw and hushpuppies was all it took to bring peace to my world. A college football game was playing on the TVs which only added to my pleasure. I suspect if all my meals are like this one, it's gonna be a painful WOD my first day back at the box, but it will totally be worth it!

I've never done a trip like this before, spending time with my mother and aunt. I'm not sure how we will all get along but I have decided that I want to relax and go with the flow rather than try and force anything. I am putting my judging side on hold so that I can be open to getting to know my mom as an adult and enjoy this experience to the full.

Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow!

Mobile and Moe's

2009-09-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

OK, despite the heat and humidity, there is a great deal to recommend lower Alabama, not the least of which is Mobile Bay at sunset and a barbeque restaurant named Moe's. I knew coming into this adventure that there would be times when keeping gluten free and to a WOD schedule would go awry and tonight was it.

It was the first day I woke up to blue skies and lower (although still incredible) humidity so I decided to let today's WOD go by the wayside. After that, it was an easy choice for the evening's activities. We went down to Mobile Bay with a cooler, some munchies and great company. We got a chance to watch the sunset with a young family of four who was fishing off the pier next to us. The fish were jumping and the gators were raising their heads while moving slowly along the shore. Frankly it was one of the beautiful and pleasant evenings I've spent in a long time.

Once the sun set we headed off to Moe's. Because it was a Wednesday there was no live band but the barbeque was amazing. Everything was homemade and served with a wink and a smile. If there had been a band I would have been content to stay all night at a place made out of plywood and the sounds of songs and stories from days past.

All together it was one of the reasons I wanted to come down here. The peace of a bay sunset, the sounds of laughter and mosquitos, and the sheer pleasure of ribs melding with a beer in your mouth. These were good times ...

Road WODs

2009-09-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

When I left on this trip I was bound and determined to get a WOD in everyday. I brought a 25 pound kettlebell, two 15 pound dumbbells and a jump rope along with the appropriate workout gear. I hadn't factored in the incredible heat and humidity down South, nor had I realized how lonely working out alone can be. I miss my friends at the box pushing me, supporting me and celebrating with me.

I got through today's WOD (3 rounds: 150 SUs, 40 squats, 30 kettlebell swings, 20 sit ups and 10 push ups) in 15:53 but I didn't feel the same joy of accomplishment as I would have back at home. I was pleased I made it through given the weather (it was also raining at the time), and I'll do another WOD tomorrow .... maybe something with thrusters ... but it's just not the same.

I give a tremendous amount of credit to people who found CrossFit via the website (www.crossfit.com) and who do the WODs in their garages or rec rooms or backyards. They are unsung heroes because they persevere and and get results on their own without the support on which I've come to depend, and they are likely getting those results in spite of husbands, wives or children who think they are crazy ( as my relatives surely do!)

Home CrossFitters I salute you!

Connections and Reconnections

2009-09-21T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in Day 3 of the grand road trip experiment and I have to say it's been a great success. I met friends in Atlanta and am now in Daphne, AL with my family.

As a quick aside ... for those of you driving on I-85 South through Atlanta please be aware of the weather report. Apparently massive rain and flooding has a serious impact on the highways of that beautiful city. That combined with an untrustworthy GPS lady made for a highly stressful morning!

I had a chance to visit with my first personal trainer, James Evans. James trained me at the globo gym I joined before I found CrossFit. Looking back, I don't think I would be here at this point in my life without having met and worked with James. He believed in me before I even believed in myself.

James is an incredibly talented musician and he has released several amazing albums, the most recent, "Whiskey Kisses," is unbelievable (yes, that's a shameless plug!). Despite not being picked up by a major label, he perseveres in his dream. Someday he's gonna be a big rock star and I hope to be privileged enough to get a front row seat at his sold out concerts!

Having survived apocolyptic weather and a late evening with friends I arrived in Daphne, Alabama to find my parents, aunt and uncle all ready for me. I feel so lucky to have this time with the people I love most.

Most days we get caught up in the business of living, connecting through phones and e-mail so sitting on the back porch sipping vodka tonics and trading stories of our lives is incredibly precious. I love these people to whom I am tied by blood and stories but I'm not sure I always appreciated how much I was intertwined and how much I love being a part of them. We laugh great belly laughs and often wind up snorting liquid out our noses when something really funny comes along, and it's only with family where snorting is socially acceptable behavior!

It's funny, a year ago I would have been impatient with the pace and tempo of these interactions because I would have been thinking about work or what was to come the next day or how silly life in the south was compared to the "infinite superiority" of life in the northeast. Now, it's about the here and now, recognizing that the moments will never come again. Cliche? Perhaps. But you know what? It's my life and I think the moment is a great place to be.

Hotel bar encounters

2009-09-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of my solo road trip and my stop over was the Marriott in downtown Greensboro, NC. I had a very good day of driving, not too much white knuckling and the GPS lady seemed to be pretty trustworthy. I had a few conversations with the GPS and on the whole she did pretty well (although I think I-495 through Delaware was NOT the best choice). At any rate I arrived and they had a room for me per my plan.

I was pretty hungry when I got here so I gathered up my book (Pat Conroy ... if you are headed south you have to read Pat Conroy!) and headed down to the very small bar not far off the lobby. The benefit of years of corporate travel is that hotel lobby bars don't scare me much and if there's a football game on I can pretty much strike up a conversation with the bartender. I take a book in case the bar is busy or the bartender is a jerk. If I get a great bartender then the evening is good, If I have to resort to the book, at least I know I'll have a decent time. Tonight I lucked into a terrific bartender with a quiet bar as well as another patron who had more stories than I know what to do with in this space.

Suffice it to say I spent three hours connecting with two people I will never run across again (or maybe I will, who knows?). Sometime through the evening I began to reflect on how lucky I was to be at this place, at this time, with these people. If I had been there last night or tomorrow night we would likely have not connected, or the conversation would have been different. Through my conversations today with Will and Brad I became connected to them and their families. Brad, I hope you find your successor as family historian and Will I hope you find what you are searching for as an academic, your passion is infectious!

Thank you both for sharing your stories and touching my spirit.

I am aiming for Atlanta tomorrow night and given the weather report I suspect I may have some interstate driving stories to share. Wish me and the Eagles luck tomorrow (I predict McNabb will start)!

Writing things down

2009-09-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

It used to be that all I had to do to remember something was to remind myself to remember. Now, not so much ... I had a great idea yesterday for the blog and now I've completely forgotten it so I'm afraid you'll have to be satisfied with some lesser ideas.

This is the part of midlife I really hate; the impact on my memory. I'll be speaking with someone about something and then the next idea will go completely out of my head. Or, we'll be discussing an actor or a movie that I've seen a thousand times and I won't be able to come up with the actor's name or the movie title. I used to joke about dreading the day when I would call our daughter by the cat's name and now I'm afraid that I've arrived. Rachel, if you are reading this and for some reason I start calling you Phil, please ignore me and/or hand me another glass of wine! From now on, I promise if I have a great blog idea I'll write it down!

Tomorrow is the start of my grand road adventure. The car has air in its' tires, I have a broadband card so I can keep blogging and I'm taking a jump rope, some dumbbells and a kettlebell for road WODs. I've got my GPS and Sirrius radio for Eagles games and the new Dan Brown book on CD. I'm as prepared as I can be, so why do I feel like I've forgotten something major? Ah, yes ... please see the previous paragraph!

Tomorrow's post will likely come to you from someplace in North Carolina ... see y'all then!

box jumps as a metaphor for life?

2009-09-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

In everyone's life there comes a challenge that becomes a metaphor for all other challenges that you might face. In my case, it's jumping up onto a 21" high plywood box.

Let me paint a picture of the activity for those of you who have never faced "THE BOX." Basically the movement is simple ... stand with both feet together, swing your arms to get some momentum and jump onto the box, landing solidly on the top with both feet planted firmly. It's really nothing more than a tuck jump. If you go out on YouTube you can find videos of people jumping up onto boxes taller than they are ... amazing stuff.

For some reason box jumps intimidate the hell out of me. I have no confidence that I will actually land safely on the box as planned. There is no other activity in CrossFit that impacts me the same way and it takes a good deal of internal conversation to get me to even attempt a small jump. Frankly, I don't understand why this is such a problem for me. In my day, I've rock climbed, rappelled in the dark, surfed zip lines, whitewater rafted, sailed through gales and done things that other people find frightening. Most times, the challenge excites me. I finally met my match with box jumps, an activity most people can do without hesitation.

When I started dabbling in CrossFit late last year the only height I could jump was a 3" aerobic step riser. Now I am pretty confident with a 13" box and last night managed to get up to 18.5 inches. Last night was the first time I actually felt like I could fly up onto the box. I was tucking my knees and I knew I was getting the height. I just couldn't break through to the 21" box.

I've never in my life been unable to do something I really wanted to do. This is probably the most frustrating thing in the world because I am physically capable of making the jump but something is holding me back. Am I subconsciously convinced that my ass is so big that I can't lift it that high or am I finding a way to fail so I can let myself off the hook for other disappointments further down the line? Or have I made this jump such a big deal I've completely psyched myself out?

Jeff says that I just have to stop thinking, tuck my knees and commit to the jump. Sounds like a metaphor to me ...

Is there such a thing as too much change?

2009-09-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

This has been a tough week. It's my first full week without full time employment and I have to admit that the adjustment is taking a bit more out of me than I expected. Coupled with resigning my job, I've decided to take a two week road trip, the master bath is being renovated, I'm trying to get a business up and running and figuring out how much of a traditional housewife role I need to take on. I feel a bit like Prince Humperdink in "The Princess Bride." "... but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped. "

I do think I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with the pace of everything I've set in motion but also tremendously impatient at the same time. I want to start my real work; supporting midlife women in transition to transform their lives and discover their authentic selves, their purpose and their sense of well-being. But I need to lay some groundwork. I need my CrossFit coach certification and I need to understand the nutritional side of things much better than I do now. If I'm going to coach/counsel women like me I feel I owe it to them to be as knowledgeable as possible.

Unfortunately, I probably won't have those certifications under my belt until early in 2010. In the meantime, I just keep working on Project Me. My goal was to take the next few months and train like hell at the box, do some sub-contracting to get some cash in the door, and just chill out a bit. Those goals seem simple enough, but I can't seem to wrap my head around them yet.

Have I bitten off too much?

2500 miles

2009-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

So I leave Saturday for two weeks on the road ... by myself. I'm headed down to Alabama and Florida to visit family and friends, driving the whole way. I've gotten some pretty interesting reactions from people when I tell them that I'm doing the trip solo. Most people line up on the side that says it's a crazy thing to do "especially at your age," a few seemed impressed and the rest were pretty uninterested. I can't wait and I'm scared to death at the same time. I've always wanted to do a long road trip and now sure seems like a good time ... why not?!

I helps that I left my job a couple of weeks ago to start my own business. Did I mention that yet? Hmmmm, resigning my job, taking a road trip, cutting my hair and letting the gray grow out, could this be a midlife crisis? I prefer to think of it as finally getting my life in order; but that would be me ...

So what's changed?

2009-09-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

As I was re-reading last week's posts it occurred to me that I put a lot of emphasis on the changes that I've made over the past 9 months. I'm guessing that it might be helpful for you all to get a better understanding of what those changes have been. I hope you have a sense of where I started, so really, what's changed?

#1 -- It's NOT about the food! What I eat is not the cause of how I feel, it is merely a reflection of what I am feeling. Sounds simple but it's not. I've learned to think more deeply about what I am feeling, especially when I want to reach for all those yummy beige foods. Crap food means I feel like crap about myself; it's a signal that something is going on in my mind and heart that must be attended to.

#2 -- My worth is not found in a shopping bag. Once I discovered the joy and the power of throwing weight above my head, pushing my body through the last 200 meters of a horrible hill run, and doing sit ups till I thought I would puke; handbags and Jimmy Choo's started to seem a whole lot less important. While I still love the aesthetics of a gorgeous Chanel bag, I know that the satisfaction from acquiring the bag will fade much faster than the glow that comes from breaking my deadlift PR.

#3 -- My weight is only data. My feelings about myself used to be completely wrapped up in the scale. Even after I started CrossFit I was weighing myself daily and complaining mightily about the numbers I was seeing. I couldn't believe that I could work so hard and not see the numbers tumble down and it REALLY frustrated me. Now I weigh myself once a week, note the number as a piece of data and get back to my life. How'd I get to this Zen-like peace with my scale? I focused on the quality of the food I was eating, I stopped eating anything processed, shopped Whole Foods and started cooking at home. I focus on how I feel when I train and how much stronger I am getting. The weight is only a number ... who knew?!

#4 -- Life is too damn short. Why waste time being anyone other than who I truly am? Why work so hard at a job that doesn't help me find my higher purpose or enable me to grow so I can help others grow? Why wait for "someday?" Use the good china for Pete's sake!!

#5 -- I am a work in progress. I'm going to backslide, eat crap food, feel bad about myself, make mistakes and really screw up from time to time. You know what? It's OK and none of those things makes me a bad person or unworthy. Forgiving myself is the hardest lesson I've learned so far but living my life with an 80/20 rule has led to some experiences I wouldn't trade for the world!

So what's next .. how about a 2500 mile solo road trip?

Finally, the light begins to dawn

2009-09-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

2009 started off with an embarrassing, but in hindsight, crucial, accounting mistake. Aimee had moved out of the globo gym to the first of her independent CrossFit boxes (there were two more larger versions to follow within the year!) and I decided to get Jeff a six month unlimited membership to support his new addiction to this strange fitness obsession. Well, I screwed up and the check I wrote to Aimee bounced. Horrified to put this new business owner through the pain in the ass factor of dealing with a bounced check, I gave Aimee enough cash to cover the membership. As it turned out, the check made it through the redeposit and low and behold I now faced a decision. Aimee said I could either make it a 12 month membership for Jeff, an additional six month membership for someone else or she would refund the additional monies. Impulsively I said I would take the additional membership. Little did I know that this spur of the moment decision would change my life forever.

For those of you who may not be familiar with CrossFit, here's what it's about:

World Class Fitness in 100 Words:

Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports (by Greg Glassman - www.CrossFit.com).

Each workout of the day (WOD) is different, with different combinations of activities. You might be working on lifting one day and then running, doing pull-ups and handstand pushups the next. Every workout requires your best effort and mental focus. While each WOD is intense, each exercise is scalable to your ability and fitness level, which makes CrossFit highly accessible to people of all ages, weights and capabilities.

So, what makes CrossFit different than other fitness classes? It's the combination of two X factors: the coach and the people who make up the class. I expected the people in class, who looked to be in their mid-twenties and highly fit, to be disdainful of a fat, middle aged woman who was clearly in over her head ... after all I was no athlete and the people in these class included marathoners, ex-military and guys who could bench press hundreds of pounds. What I found was a group of people who were tremendously supportive, non-judgmental and very, very kind. There was as much, if not more, cheering for the person who came in last in a WOD than the person who finished first. Each PR (personal record) was celebrated and congratulatory fist bumps were the order of the day. I found myself genuinely liking everyone and realized that I had found much more than a workout, I found a new family.

Aimee was (and is) a patient teacher and coach. She is a rare find in the fitness world. Never intimidating, always supportive but expects me to work to the best of my abilities. Aimee became not just a coach, but a mentor and friend. She never let me off the hook and I found myself working harder, training harder and making decisions outside the box that would enable me to be a better CrossFitter. All of a sudden I was an "athlete." Not because I was athletic (far from it ... I make penguins look like speed racers!), but because I was a CrossFitter. I had never imagined myself as an athlete and it was a powerful revelation. I began to focus less on losing weight and more on what would help me get stronger, faster, better at this new sport. As we say in CrossFit; I drank the Kool-Aid ... it was the beginning of the rest of my life.

This blog is my way of journaling this journey of becoming an athlete and an empowered woman. I'll talk about CrossFit regularly but I also want you to hear about how the other aspects of my life are changing as well. I am a very different person than I was when I screwed up that check; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. However, my rather quirky sense of humor is, unfortunately, the same though!

At this point I feel like I have something to share with other women like me; teetering on the edge of the second half of life but unsure of what that means. Women who know there is something more inside them; something that yearns for expression. Maybe you've sent to kids off to college and you're facing an empty nest; maybe you've spent years in a career that no longer satisfies; maybe you just know deep down that your life could be different. This chronicle is for you, because if I can change my life, anyone can!

What is this crazy workout called CrossFit?

2009-09-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

So it was late summer 2008 and my husband Jeff and I were active members of a globo gym, doing everything from Spinning to Body Pump to Zumba to Boot Camp. I thought we were doing pretty well making it to the gym 3 to 4 times a week and working hard every time (or at least we thought we were working hard!). In fact, I was getting pretty cocky about my spinning ability ... I was making it through classes with no problem and with my heart rate in the proper zone. Heck, I even had spin shoes!! Then Aimee Lyons stepped in to teach a class. I thought I was going to die. Aimee's pace was crazy, her music was loud, and she yelled at us the whole time. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done physically up until then and I had a blast.

It turned out that Aimee was not only teaching spinning but also a class called CrossFit. I'd never heard of it and neither had Jeff but we liked Aimee's spin class so Jeff decided to give this CrossFit thing a whirl. Jeff began going to CrossFit classes and from his description of the workouts I thought Aimee and anyone else who actually liked that stuff was pretty nuts. Jeff was running (and he NEVER runs), lifting weights like an Olympian, doing pull ups, sit ups, squats, lunges jumping on boxes, and other beastly types of calisthenics, sweating like a maniac and having a ball. I thought he was an insane person. Besides everyone who was in the class was already pretty fit, way younger than me, and let's face it, way, way skinnier than me. There was NO way I would ever be able to keep up, much less be competitive! After all I was a middle aged fat lady, there was no room for me in that class!! So Jeff became a CrossFitter and I sat smugly on the sidelines.

That said, there was something about the class that intrigued me. Then Aimee decided to combine spinning with some CrossFit elements in her Sunday spin class. We'd spin for 10 minutes, get off the bikes and do a mini CrossFit workout for 30 minutes, get back on the bikes and spin hard for another 10 minutes and then cool down. I walked (OK, crawled) out of the spin room determined never, ever to do that again. Then I went back the following Sunday, and the Sunday after that ...

After those spin/CrossFit classes I was ready to try an actual CrossFit workout and I did a few through the fall. I sort of dabbled. While I was dabbling Jeff was getting pretty fanatical and pretty buff. He dropped some more weight (why is it that men drop weight so easily, even while eating crap food?), bonded with Aimee and the rest of the CrossFitters, and was clearly enjoying himself.

As I look back, I realize that I was afraid. Not so much of CrossFit anymore but afraid of committing to myself. I was doing a great job of avoiding any real change in my life. I talked a lot about what I was doing at the gym and I claimed to be eating better, but my body told me I was living a lie. I wasn't losing weight (which was all I was really concerned about) and I wasn't really getting any stronger. Most days I focused on my work and tried not to think about how unhappy I was with myself. All of a sudden it was Christmas time again and I was in no better place than I was the previous year.

3-2-1 GO!

2009-09-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me today that completing a forward roll while trying to maintain any sort of dignity was clearly not going to be in the cards. Once you give up the idea that you have to maintain your dignity, things get a lot easier, so I tucked my chins (yes, chins ... plural) into my chest and did a forward roll for the first time in 35 years. I don't know about you but I find that more than a little astonishing.

I have found myself astonished quite a bit this year, not just from doing things at the gym (or "box" in CrossFit parlance) that I never imagined possible, but doing things with my life that have my friends shaking their heads and wondering what Kool-Aid I've been sipping. Although if I were sipping Kool-Aid it would have to be sugarless and spiked with a healthy shot of potato vodka! This blog is an attempt to chronicle my journey from a proud couch potato who didn't give much thought to her life to a CrossFit athlete who can't wait to help other women start their own journeys.

So where did I start? I wish I had a picture to post of me at my heaviest and most unhappy, but I would never allow myself to be photographed at 232 pounds. I can't imagine how those women on the Biggest Loser get up on that scale in nothing but a sports bra and shiny shorts! I was wearing size 20 clothes and was well on my way to a size 24 when I finally decided to do something about the fat. Weight Watchers helped as did working with a personal trainer at home but it took me about 18 months to just get my weight down to 210 pounds. I definitely felt better but while the weight was improving I was still mighty unhappy when New Year's Eve 2007 rolled around.

I was 47 year old, starting a new job that was a significant promotion, my daughter had graduated college and was officially launched upon the world, my husband of almost 25 years still claimed to find me sexy (he's a terrific liar and I love him for it!) ... how could my life be any better? I did a pretty good job of beating myself up for not being a happy camper, stuffed the unhappiness down and managed to create a convincing imitation of a woman who had the world by the tail.

Over the course of 2008 my weight stabilized in the high 190s, I found a globo gym I thought would make all my fitness dreams come true, celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary and began to truly hate my life without knowing why. I was eating very badly. Unfortunately, I have an affinity for beige food ... have you noticed that all the best comfort foods are beige? French fries, potato chips, mac & cheese, bread, pasta, hoagies .. it's all beige! If I hadn't had participated in some regular form of exercise my weight would have skyrocketed right back to the 230's. Of course, I bitched and moaned about the fact I was doing all this exercise and not losing any more weight. James, my trainer, would kindly point out the connection between my beige food and beer consumption and the size of my ass, but I really didn't pay much attention. I took up spinning in the hopes I would burn enough calories to make up for my food choices and pedaled madly through the summer and fall. I was stuck in every way possible; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Enter Aimee Lyons and CrossFit ...